The Philosophy of Myself

We as humans have this standard believe, a personal set of ideals of who we are. These ideals change almost daily and can be influenced by many things: social, economic, religious and yes even sexual. (I'll give you a second to absorb that.) However, there is a few set of things we all possess that is set, the basis of our own identity. While some are simple in nature and concept, there other that are complex and vast. I never told anyone about my own personal thoughts and beliefs. Don't be too shocked at it.

1. Happy endings are for the foolishly over-romantic.
I always go for the ending where the hero rides off into the sunset with the woman or gets that one kiss under the gazebo in the rain. I never believed that it is suppose to happen all the time. There going to be some tragedy. Besides if there is a happy ending for one, there usually an endless line of sad ones for others.

2. I always cheer for the bad guy in movies.
Call me the underdog, the cheer of the villain (cause I am one) and all but, even the bag guys needs something to look forward to. I mean the hero always gets the girl, saves the world. But what do we get? Well besides the awesome lines. Hannibal Lecter, Darth Vader, Tony Montana, Stewie Griffin...they all got the best, memorable lines. Even if they didn't save the day. Well except for Vader, but he a special case. I cheer when they blow up shit. Call me evil; you welcome.

3. I'm a realist by birth, cynic by nature.
I don't see the glass as half full or half empty. I look at it as someone been drinking out my damn glass and pass me the bottle of Jager. I never been one who is optimistic or pessimistic. There are qualities in each, but I'm a person who just sees it as real. I'm one who believes sometimes hope is the road that leads to disappointment. But, sometimes hope is all we have to make it by. Sometimes it's a study in contradiction, but never said that cynics are the most logical.

Well there shall be more about me later. Now...I need to do some other stuff. What...I don't know. Til then....

what is in a name...

When I decided to make this blog, I had to think about what I wanted to call it. Throughout the years of blog making, and it has been a few blogs I have written and created, I had each one describe an aspect or subject matter that is close to me. However, this one is more personal then the rest. Only because I learned that sometimes to stand against the waves of the world alone is always better to ride the tides of conformity.

My views and opinions, not matter how mundane they are usually sparks more anger than sometimes necessary; however, it is because many are so sensitive to world views, or blinded to the most simple of truths and have what I call the ostrich syndrome. Live your days with your head in the ground and so oblivious to everything. Which is in itself sad to say the least.

I figured that creating this "Stand against the waves" that I have a place where I can draw the line in the sand. I always been a person who was never the leader, nor was one who just followed others blindly. I was always the loner. Never leading anyone to the fates I was going to or the glories others didn't need to go. Call it selfish maybe - but it's more of a public service than anything. None needs to go where I walk. You may dirty your shoes which is an understatement. But, moreso, just don't think anyone is capable to relate or understand my mindset. So it's best that I do stand against all. Besides, one in a world of billions, your worlds will not be remembered and you in the end will not be missed. Just a thought.

SAW

How funny some people can be...

I just had to share this little semi-adventure with my people. If most follow my facebook (and if you don't shame on you!) I left something about some teenagers who were just in a nice car (probably one's parent) playing some Lil Jon (good taste for them anyway) those folks probably probably juniors or seniors in some prep school yelling out "Where your hood at, where you hood at?" I had to snicker and laugh as I passed by. And one had to go out and ask me where my hood at? I just stopped and I asked where theirs at and they replied and I just snickered and kept walking. Listen to all you preppies trying to find your hoodness and street cred: rule #1 If you live in a gated community and an on-site golf course, you are not hood and never will be! rule #2 If the police can be at your area in less than 5 minutes to get a cat out the tree, you are not hood.

I had to go and think for a second, what would happen if those fools really went to a real hood and get some real hoodness. Let's take them to some of the tough places:

Orange Mound in Memphis - they wouldn't last 5 minutes; car gets jacked money get stole girlfriends get hoed out.

7th Ward New Orleans - Not even going to say it. They get the hell beat out of them and throw in some swamp never to be seen again and them they go get some gumbo with the money they snatched from the poor saps.

Highland Hills (Dallas Texas) - My homie Jason can attest to this. If you got a hood so rough that the public bus system will stop 2 streets and turn around and say if you going down this area you walking, what you think 3 prep boys driving a Benz will get as a reception. A few chop-shops will be getting new parts. And a 4th grader there will snatch the Benz emblem and make a neck piece out of it.

Pick a place in Houston. 3rd Ward (shout out to my Cartel fam at TSU I miss ya fools) 5th Ward, A-leaf, South Park - really do they wanna go there and shout out what's your hood? When you see kids on big wheels with spinners you in the hood. You getting jumped near Yates High School by a few toddlers and they going to French's Chicken for a free meal - courtesy of you.

and let's not talk bout chicken. Let them come to Morton. yes even here they will get bumrushed. Don't let the chicken plan fool you those chickens go hard. When you go a school with razor wire. This is hood! Welcome to Kingland baby this is how it's done. Da Bottom folks will just rob you in broad daylight and laugh. Really now golf course folks gets throw into the chicken trucks...

Now really what's my hood? I am my hood...now gimme your allowance and car. I'm heading down I-45 to H-town for some French's Chicken. I can drop those folks at Pleasant Grove and let them yell out I'm hood in Da Grove...that be funny.

SAW

Words of comfort can sometimes be too hurtful

We as humans know the power of words. They can inspire, condemn, give us strength or sometimes give us grief. But, there just some words and should I say parables and tidbits of wisdom that do the opposite of its intent; in short it just annoys many or it can be just me. Maybe, it is just my cynical nature to be as such. Which does make it the proper course of action; when I usually hear these anti-soothing words, I usually get into sarcastic mode or just really cold factor 666 and speak such a retort that well not many would want to say anything consoling. And here, my people, are pretty much the trash de la trash that just makes me want to strangle the person who not only said it to me but the moron who conjured up the words of vile false comfort. Prepare for vileness of remarks that will cause most eyes to bleed in fear…

(3) If you love someone, set them free. If they come back it is meant to be.

Really, you kidding me with this one right? No I will keep them incarcerated in my love prison. If I put this much time and effort in just to let them go. And furthermore, if they don’t come back then what? It was a total depletion of time, money and mental necessity that I could be spending on strippers and beer. It’s not meant to be so thank you for killing x amount of months trying to see if this was something that will last. Thank you for playing, we have some lovely parting gifts and an invitation to the ex and the new love interest’s wedding. We are registered at Bridezilla-Groom. And what happens by some grace of divine intervention (and constant begging maybe) they do come back. Yeah it’s meant to be but you will have that lingering amount of doubt. What happens if they get a wild hair and need to leave again? I say let their ass go and keep them gone. Cause if they have to leave in the first place it’s pretty much a done deal and grab the remote and watch your shows you wish to watch. If they love you they will stay if not then they never cared to begin with. To hell with them and don’t let the door hit you where the rat should have bit you.

(2) Don’t worry it’s their loss.

You know how many times, I wish I can take those words and hang myself with them. I want to ask those folks, really I lost. So why do I feel like the loser. And the winner which is them, feel they made out like a bandit doing whatever and not worry about it. Yeah their loss, while your ex-boyfriend or husband is balls deep in some woman or your ex-girlfriend or wife is getting balled deep by some stud that is pretty much better than you. Let’s face it if they wasn’t you would sure as hell not be in the situation you at; probably mad, asking a billion questions playing the eternal “what if” game; while they are flaunting their newfound freedom with a new love or sex toy underneath their arm. So who is the loser here in this contest of amore? And the grand prize…the loss of your own dignity and self-worth because it’s been walk over by someone who feel you are free tennis racket prize that Bob Barker gave you and you wanting the new car – noone gives a damn. Their loss…HA! No it’s not their loss it ours for believing such hogwash words like this. Excuse me while I go vomit up least years Thanksgiving dinner.

So I wonder how many of you at home players can see the pattern that is being created by this blog entry. Yes, there is a method to my madness and sadly, few can even comprehend it. Even fewer can relate. But, for those who can understand this and have any grasp of how I can probably feel, then my hats out to you. Welcome to the true cynical world of me. Have a drink and read the finally piece of de-comforting sentiment:

(1) It is better to have love and loss than not to have loved at all.


Those 15 words have about as much meaning and sense as a fire engine with gasoline instead of water. Where does it say in the handbook of love that it is good to have something in your hand and snatched away? So it’s good to enjoy it for a while and poof not there. It’s about as logical as having a free meal from a five-star restaurant with the best in wines only to be taken away after one sip and one bite. Oh yeah it’s nice to savor it but you don’t need to enjoy it for something long lasting. What a load of bovine fecal matter…oh wait let me call it like it is…BULLSHIT!!!! I don’t buy that. It’s about good to never have it because then you don’t know what you miss or loss on. The emotions and feelings will not be as potent or as painful. Yeah many can say it will be just practice for the next one to come along. However, for some this could be it for them, what of them? And those who are too bitter and angry to even take a chance? I swear. I would gorilla punch someone who told me after a breakup that was not my fault. I think the phrase should go as thus: “It is not good to have love and lose it and better to not have it snatched after obtained.” You don’t want to have a million dollars only to be taken away before you can even spend it on cheap liquor, hookers and blow right?

So now my people, the lesson for today is to watch your words in what you say as comfort. Hell don’t even say any words a hug a baseball bat and an alibi works wonders. Just remember watch what you say next time and maybe you won’t have a pot of hot grits coming in your direction.

SAW

Wise Words Falls Deaf Upon Ignorant

For a long time, I never really appreciated such a statement, really until recently. So many people in my life, acquaintances and friends seem to be falling into such a spiral of naivety. But what puzzles me is why is when you know the outcome of a situation that you know full well will not be beneficial or positive you still go through it knowing that it will be a disaster and end up holding the business end of a knife in the heart or a few dollars short in the bank account?

I sometimes wonder is it because we as humans must be so willing to break the binds of fate and win a victory for our self-determination. Or is it to overcome the chains of endless repeats? Most describe insanity as the process of doing things over and over hoping for a different outcome - but know that it will not. As 2 + 2 is 4, some things will not change. You can change the tactics of whatever, but due to our human make up, some things will not change, only the time of the occurrence. Yet, we still do it. Is some members of society truly insane. And what happens if by some happenstance, something miraculous occurs. It is a divine miracle, or do we come out like pure geniuses?

Somehow, it's rare, extremely rare that latter does happen. However, for so many, it is almost a crusade to do it. To change it for an outcome that is positive. But in the meantime, there is a serious amount of animosity in the mind of many people. And in the worse case, there is a amount of lashing out of those who try to warn or provide counsel to prevent such notions from happening - especially, those who already know it will come out as predicted.

Are we just suckers for the punishment of failure? Are we so determined to see the truth of logic in our own eyes, and not pay attention to those who may have already been in that situation and not accept the experience or even accept the perspective of others? Is our pride as a human so blinding that we chose to ignore things that is right in front of us or in our own mind? How do we close the door of ignorance and open the windows of wisdom? That is the question of many but sadly can not be so easily answered. So I throw this upon the panel. Are we ignorant and blind to reason?

Ponder upon this my friends.

SAW

p.s. to those who read this and is in the situation: open your mind to reason and listen to perspective.

Oh Damn!

It's funny sometimes how one person's name can drive a sense of
erotic nostalgia. Men, think of that one woman who can almost
give an instant hard on, or make you consider just a sense of
thought to one particular night or day or lunch hour. How her
perfume smelled, her touch electrified you, her lips doing those
things that you like done. Or the way her body responded to your
touch. Or how she drained you of every ounce of energy of that
moment's pleasure - leaving you exhausted, wanting more but not
able to keep up. However, you are willing to admit defeat. Ever
think about that?

Ladies, you think about that one man who just came with nothing
but a smile and a mission. A mission to pleasure you in ever
way. To remind you how it feels to be a natural woman. To caress
every body part, to conquer ever inhibition...leave you breathless
with a sense of shear delight. That one best kept secret...that
one man/woman who is that person we call Their Oh Damn!

You know that one person who just knows how to bring it, and
keep it brought. It’s not a difficult thing in some ways. It can be
how for ladies: the way he lays the hammer down or for the guy,
how he nibbles a neck. How one gets aggressive and the other
gets sensual. How one leaves kisses on your body and one that
leave bitemarks later?

So I ask, what makes a person be that Oh Damn! And one be
just mediocre or just DAMN what a waste? Is it the emotions,
is it the skill or is it the combination of it all? How can one be
like that? Is there a method, a lesson or something that just is
natural? Can there be more than one person who has that title?
Or is it one only?

I think we as humans, kind of in a subconscious way, try to
be that person who reaches the Oh Damn! status. I think
personally, it’s a sense of personal pride and a gain in
supreme confidence to be that Oh Damn! person. We all want
to be that one person who fills the deepest chapter in one’s
sexual diary. That one part of the book that is filled with all
the nastiest, best, uninhibited tales of erotic delight, passion-
ate ecstasy and almost pornographic pleasure?

Truthfully, some have it, others strive to get it, few can’t
obtain it and many can never reach it. So, it leaves me back
to the one question – What makes a person be that Champion
Oh Damn! person?

The Price of Higher Education: Or the Cost of Ruin

We all have heard the advertisements and seen the great notions for going to college. To advance yourself into in finding some career and make life better for yourself and loved ones. While that is fine and good, there are many stories, many of those who go never to find the pot of gold of prosperity. It’s not for reasons of effort, nor the dreams of ambition to do it, but the almighty dollar. Most are not born in to affluent families who can fork over a blank check and pay for it. Working your way through school is a valid option and many do it; however, more burn out and not finish because of the strains of maintaining your class load along with your workload is too much for many. Then many are not smart, or fortunate enough to obtain any significant scholarships without jumping through flaming hoops like a circus animal. You hear about free money around just for the taking, sadly to get it, you must have “certain” qualifications or restrictions to receive it.

Which leans the last and mostly the worse option, the all fun student loan. I know most would not think of it as such and that it’s just a way to pay for school. But, many have been trapped into a pitfall of amassed loans which you will have to repay the minute you get your degree. I know it’s a loan and you must treat it as such but the way some companies and most schools have excusive contracts or agreements to use only one provider. It’s amazing how one company in particular have a clear cut monopoly upon those who seek a higher education. And, with this power, they can impose just about anything they want, using financial blackmail to sign agreements of loans to pay for school, especially when grants and scholarships run out. Higher interest rates and a mob style tactics that only care about their bottom line profits than the concerns of the reason to go to school, obtain an education.

I have heard many of the horror stories of some company, which shall be remain nameless. Because I don’t need the libel suit. Hell not like that I care about that, can’t squeeze a dollar from a nickel. But, then again. I can use a small change to ensure the CYA plan. And for you home players out there who don’t speak Ghettoese, CYA means Cover Your Ass. The truth is that most people ask is college even worth it? With today’s economy as bad as it is and few opportunities out there to even have any employment that don’t ask you the question “do you want fries what that?” so limited., it just seems very discouraging to even enroll. However, we heard our parents preach over and over that you cannot get anywhere without some higher degree, but honestly, those days have long since gone.

So now, I have been fighting this student loan provider, let’s call her Mallie Sae, and this woman has been nothing more than a predatory, bitch in the worse order. I don’t know if I can even begin to express just the pure disgust I have for them. Their gang style tactics has been nothing but deplorable and add a school like SuckUDry (now I know why Jay Leno makes fun of the place) it’s a crazy tag-team that cause more than a share of headaches. Now this is a combination of one place that only offers one set of loans if you wish to go to school there, I graduate and the economy takes a nosedive. Finding a job that’s suitable for my degree is near impossible. I STILL know people who graduated still can’t anything worthwhile. Hell, I really think that my degree is a joke.

And the crazy thing is that recently, I saw a few commercials from my so called old school giving so much praise about how they are do diverse and how many students can find employment within their field upon graduation. I am like false, misleading advertising. And to be honest, I call total and complete BULL! I known people who had graduated with me had good grades who could not find a job in their field; because either 1 they were over qualified, or 2 did not have the significant experience for the job; which now of days is the only thing to secure any type of employment. And I am asking myself after looking at the piece of lying propaganda, are they for real? Unless they are talking about other campuses, there is no way and I mean no way on this green, dustball that we call earth they have this many folks getting jobs.

But, I get so many letters from the alumni association to join and discuss our experiences with our school and how we are getting along outside the confided walls of that insane, educational asylum. I am trying to keep folks from going there not attend. I mean seriously, it would be a public service to keep anyone from making the mistakes many of us have made.

Now that I have discussed that, let’s continue this lecture about the price tag of this. I know schools in general are about giving an education – but the price of that cost was crazy. Schools are for profits, the almighty dollar. And, anyone who says otherwise is lying or very good in their marketing department. However, the worse lot the providers of said loans. Now that the education bill is supposed to help eliminate many of the problems students face, I still get calls from them constantly. I now know that they are trying to reclaim, lost profits, with the downturn as it is.

Looking back at the experience at SuckUDry, were not a total waste of time, I have met some good people that I have made some lasting friendships so it was not a nightmare in its entirety, yet, looking at where I am at now and where I was suppose to be with the goals I was setting out to do at school and what they was to help provide, nothing has come out of it. Funny thing is that there suppose to be so many leaders industry that suppose to pluck many students from here, yet you don’t hear many give such praises about them now days. I have to look at the research and get a true estimate of it.

So, now I look at everything that has come full circle. The poor swindler who came to my house in the little blue Toyota truck who left my house in Morton, Mississippi with a guy knee deep in debt from Mallie Sae and a degree that is about worth the price of a piece of used bubble gum, and constant phone calls from loan/debt collectors who call at all parts of the day and night, who is about to get me to go ghetto on their asses. I need to do some research about them harassing a guy and stuff. Maybe sue them to get my bills paid. Only a dream huh? Isn’t that what school is suppose to do? Help you build a dream of a career. Unless you are a scholarship athlete or a child prodigy, it don’t happen very often. Which makes me ask, what is the price of a higher education? Most would say your eternal soul, plus 32.55% interest. I think that in today’s time, that price for such an education from such a disaster technical/trade school is not worth it. You can clearly get something better form Daisy’s Jean school of hair and nails and have something better and tangible. But, I shall do what I always done in my life, endure on and carry on the struggle, and laugh at the constant jokes that many people throw upon my school and the student loans that are launched by many people. I find it funny, they seen the truth that many others don’t who are caught in the web of expensive deception.