During those nights, I sit in the dark and I ponder some of the deepest questions that I know have no real answers. But, it does bare deep discussion.
1. Can one not find the capacity to love?
I always think that deep down there are some people who can not find their so-called ability to love. It can be a bit of a forced or faked for the sake of the significant other's own personal feelings. However, I honestly think that is the worst thing one can do to an individual. And in the end, it does hurt you as well.
2. Can one not have a soulmate if one don't have a soul?
This has been a question that I have asked myself since high school. Mostly, during that time, many people have moments of self-discovery. Me, I have many evaluations of knowing that one such as me don't have much of a soul that would match anyone. Mostly because, I learned very early I felt very soulless. And over the years, I shielded myself from trying to put myself out there to find some type of romantic connection. Not out of thinking that someone would be able to conquer the darkness in my heart, but to break them to a point they become one of the choir of the empty. It's something I would not wish on anyone.
If I was to be honest with you, the concept of "soulmates" is a big illusion of dreamers and poets. The hopeless romantics who think there is a missing part of someone that would complete them. Maybe there was a time long ago, I could have been one of those dreamers, so full of optimism and wonder of that one person who will sweep in and share her soul with an empty shell, or even grow one for me. If such a silly notion is possible. Thing is I never believed that there is always an equal number of so called souls on earth at every given time. And what about those who live their lives without even encountering their opposite? Alas, those are the worst who suffer. I feel for them.
3. Is it wrong to not anyone fall in love with you?
No matter how much those people may have genuine feelings for an individual person. Mostly because that person they are in love with is so broken, so devoid of feelings, so completely nullified of any emotional attachment that it becomes impossible to have any type of romantic interactions with people? I have asked myself that question for the longest time. Is it because of the rejections or the let downs that some people have endured that it makes them feel incapable of having those types of desires. I know that many women have probably pondered this, but rest assured that men have done the same. It's just considered taboo for a man to express such things. It shows a bit of weakness for men to have these types of feelings. Got to love the social stigmas. There are more that I could go into but honestly, it would become an essay.
I know these questions don't have any answer and it's rhetorical at best, mind-numbing at worst. But, I don't wish this type of dilemmas on anyone. Anyone who is out there with these situations, know that I feel your thoughts and pains my friend. I hope you can find the answers; and probably share in your discoveries.
SAW
