“You cannot say you’ve lost a friend. If a friendship is capable of ending, it is because it never existed.”
It was really until recently that such a quote had such a strong meaning to me. Like many things in this roller coaster called life; things grow, develop, bloom, wither and sadly die. I think friendships are the same thing. So many people hear the two words of such endurance among people - "Friends Forever", but I think even now days, friendships have a definite shelf life. Now mind you it can be become of a falling out or a fight that can cause it or something more tragic that ends it. Those sometimes can't be helped and sadly it does happen. However, what happens when one reaches out with a hand just to have it completely ignored? When you try to rekindle just something you missed in another person? To play catch up and just share that goings on over the last few weeks, months or sadly years? How can one justify being put away on a shelf to be ignored when there were times when one friend's words were the difference in so many things or comfort. What happens when a friendship of pure sentiment becomes a friendship of pure convenience only to just fade away like a sunset? Does that make the whole experience meaningless?
And what is mostly the cause of such things? Most can be the distance related. But that is a poor excuse at best. Distance between two, true friends is never far if you put the slightest effort into it. Emails, phone calls and even the old school pen and paper still works fine. However, that isn't the worst and possibly the most unforgivable violation of some friendship rules is the denial of a friend based on inclusion of others into ones intimate circle. Mostly relationships that can become serious or potential of seriousness; and instead of expanding the circle and having others share in experiences or whatnot, most contract and shrink them. Sadly, I have seen it personally in my own life and witnessed it in many others - so the fundamentally question to such thing is why? There can be almost an infinite number of reasons, while some can be remotely legitimate, others are just weak excuses for people who in the long run do not seem to care. Mostly, because most have significant others who are so paranoid in their own fears, insecure in having people who many known you longer, more intimately, or understand you better than yourself that those scared people feel that you can be easily influenced. That in itself is an insult to their own intelligence. Or perhaps, sadly there can be the sense of validity to it. Either way, it does become sad. Significant other says oh you can't be friends with this person or this person because of my own fears and insecurities. Oh you can't talk to this whole gender because I am afraid of infidelity. Are you KIDDING me? Have we become so paranoid that any and everything becomes a sign of distrust.
More so, the saddest thing about all this is not being the adult in saying that you don't feel comfortable maintaining any sort of friendship that you will just cut off all ties and sever everything you may spent months or years establishing only to let it fall because of ones fears or whatever. And what happens if by some happenstance the house of the relationship crumbles into pieces? Who will you turn to? Who could you find some sort of solace? Well there is always those select few who you received some unspoken permission to remain in contact with. But, what about those that stood by you in the hardest of times that you put away like a used book?
Then all those bridges you burned, do you feel that anyone would welcome you back with open arms after you turn your back, then get mad or upset because your feelings were injured? Ask yourself that question when you put your selfishness ahead of others. And yet, most want to assume that nothing had changed during the hiatus. Don't know which is more insulting: Pretending nothing ever happened and it's business as usual, or that they feel they can waltz back in with a hug (only to pull the dagger out of the back) and a good word.
In the end, did the whole thing matter? I guess it depends on the perspective. And at what cost? Well for what it's worth, it makes many weary to build anything. Well you can have the 30 pieces of silver and the kiss for your effort. But, you must ask yourself is it worth it. Sadly, many would say yes and the consequences for that choice maybe too harsh to consider. But, if your friendship never mattered then who would care...right?
SAW
Sunday, November 7, 2010
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