Sometimes we have to look at ourselves through different eyes to see the truth. It's amazing just how the wisdom can be found from the mind of a child. A dear friend who was 6 years old at the time told me that. For a long time, I had to consider how can I do that. I never wanted or needed to see what anyone saw in me because I never cared what anyone thought or felt of me. Just a set of opinions that good or ill can be based on bias, ignorance, or pure stupidity. However, you have to think how you project yourself towards others is an indication of what you feel for yourself.
Many in a few ways see me as a pure pessimist; a negative nasty that only sees the dark side of everything and everyone. Far from that. I'm not a pessimist, nor an optimist. I'm only a realist that sees thing as what they are. No glass half full, or empty. I only case that there only half a glass. Which means that I either need more of a drink or I'm almost done with my drink. ONLY HALF! Plain and simple.
Some view me as over-cynical. While I am a cynic a heart. I always see the motives or agendas of everything and everyone. As the proverb says. A cynic knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. Cause everything comes at a price. Even pure generosity has a price-tag. And it's not always monetary.
A few see me as a heartless bastard. The kind of person who thinks that I would throw gasoline on a burning person just to roast marshmallows on their smoldering corpse. I can be that way to only those that deserve it. I do not bring that person out unless it's absolutely necessary. I can be detached of emotion at times. Cause many times, emotion brings weakness; other times it blinds clarity - impairing judgement.
Those who have truly seen it, have the pleasure or displeasure to see the wrath that I can carry. I will admit I can be a very vindictive person and I can plan revenge with a patience of a chess master. Some believe that why do that when Karma can do it for you.Well I never depend on anyone/anything like that. I do all the dirt by my lonely. (street talk for I handle things my own) I can/have been a spiteful person and will balance hurt/pain with equal measure. I don't make many enemies, those that have that pleasure, usually don't stay there long for various reasons. And you can never know when or how or if I strike.
Even with all that, funny that most see me as a wise oracle, that just come with words of advise and wisdom. I don't know how I can be such a sage when I can't do the words that I give. But it's funny that those that don't know or do, teach. Many say age begets wisdom. I say experience grants wisdom. I know children that are wiser than people 5 times older than them. One person can live and understand things that you can only imagine or not even cope. Then again, the opposite can occur and you can relate or understand things others can not and be crushed by the weight they carry. I just understand the logic of many things. I am not saying I am perfect - far from it. I just have an old soul that seen alot, understand enough and if I can give any wisdom to anyone I will.
The final view, which I think is more important is that I'm a friend, loyal and true to those that know me. Who can look beyond the veils and masks that I wear (which is the most difficult thing to do) you can see just the real person I am. I am a villain, an ass and yes even a jerk. But, I'm just normal (whichever that is these days). Few can see it, fewer can understand it. Many who known me for years only can grasp. Some who known me a few weeks can strip it down and know just who I really am. But, those who do, know I'm a friend ride-or-die and true. Til you cross me - then it gets ugly. I been betrayed and burned a few times and those people are...well they not around. With that said, I got friends that known me since grade school and those that just met me are like well you just real with it. And that's just what it is and I am...
It was hard to try to view myself through different eyes but once I did, it seem that I am multifaceted. A cornucopia of contradiction - a paradox of puzzles - at the end look at me or I look at myself. I am ME.
See me,
SAW
Friday, July 13, 2012
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