Another year has pass plus a bonus ahh hell naw moments top 5

Rejoice, for we are still here. Those Mayans got it wrong. As I knew they would. And for those hoarders and doomsday preparers out there who wasted untold amount of money and time, enjoy the cans of spam idiots. So how much did you put into the bunkers and the likes? Could had just donated that money to me. I would spent it on something a bit more practical. Or a few practical things.

Now I for one am glad the holiday season is almost over. I haven't been really much in a festive mood to be totally honest. But, I can fake it pretty well. Yeah, I was disappointed that I can't breakout my chainsaw-shotgun combo on zombies. BOOOO! I still am disappointed in those Mayans..grrrrrrr but I will make due with watching the Walking Dead.

Now let me end my blog year with just a few things that I saw that just makes me have to say WHAT IN THE HELL?!?!?! I don't know how some can even be left out to their own devices, if they resort to such stupidness or all out...*skip the next potty words* Tom Fuckery! Yes. I went there. If you are easily offended by just straight nonsense and just outlandish comments - first of all you need to be lobotomized.Secondly, you need to have a sense of humor. And then be lobotomized again. So without any farther adieu. Here are the top 5 AHHH HELL NAW!! MOMENTS of 2012.....

Thank you Joker...

Number 5.
I don't know about you all, but there is just something very disturbing about this. I mean why she wearing clothes that she was wearing back in 4th grade. And I am wondering what she is ordering at this place and I'm willing to bet you that there is a diet coke in the mix. But seriously, what can anyone explain number 1. How did she get into this. There is probably an empty bottle of wd-40 somewhere. This is a crime against fashion humanity and must be judged accordingly. But seriously, give your sister back her clothes. And no, I will  not talk about the tramp stamp tattoo. I can't even force myself into it. Nope can't do it. This does reek of just absolute malarkey.  

Number 4.
This is what happens when you get raped by a fashionably challenged makeup artist from Crayola. Or did the zombie apocalypse really happen and this is what has is the plague upon us is truly suppose to be. There are few words that I can really say that can describe this. Disturbing being one of them. The other is that they need to like well ummmmmm...I don't know....get those damn colors off their faces. I mean just bad. And the clothes..seriously. I mean Sweet Double-Dutching Baby Jesus, whoever came up with these fashions need to be hung for illegal use of couch material. I mean Animal print should only be used for couches and that is pushing the limit. UUUGH! And what's with the hair do. Looks like a mop is missing over there. But, I'm going to try to be nice here...too late...DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!

Number 3.

First of all...Who in their right mind let this out of the cage? Second, who told her to wear this and the biggest question asked by the gentleman concerned is this: WHERE ARE THE FRIENDS WHO SHOULD WARNED HER THIS IS ALL KINDS OF WRONG?????? I blame her friends for this. Cause let's be honest here. This is wrong on a magnitude that defines explanation. Now I know you all old heard the old adage, "Just become it comes in your size does not mean you have to wear it." And in this case, this should be taken to heart. She looks like an out of work super-heroine who just let herself go. Those cupcake criminals have destroyed her forever. And what's more important is the look at her face. Eying that woman over there like she was a 2 for 1 coupon to Ribs & Wangs. And what is worse about this is she probably think she was looking good. Yep good and terrible. But don't take my word for it. Here is someone who saw this and this is their reaction.

I couldn't said it better myself. But I would had a few more choice words, however, this would be enough. If any of my friends ever and I do mean EVER even considered this...they getting told off in a heartbeat. Just saying. Yes you are welcome.

I will give you a moment to compose yourself from the laughter you all are doing. I know you are. I can hear it. If you have to go use the bathroom, feel free to do so. I can wait for you......

Still Waiting....

Wash your hands..thank you. Now let's carry on.

Number 2.

I will give you a moment to really consider this one right here. Before you even say nice hat, I just have to ask. Really, seriously?? Wow?? There some who are looking at her and say damn this is beyond trailer park. I do hope and pray to any divine power out there that this is is a temporary tattoo. Because if she ends up getting knocked up...and I'm pretty much going to bet she will  be after too many bottles of Jack Daniels and a crystal meth casserole, she going to be injected. Yes they do breed. Which needs to stop. But, back to this, if she gets pregnant, that Rat Fink will look more like a kangaroo or something. I just have to ask, what artist in their right mind did this. But then again, they did this and had to tell someone about this after a few drinks and say...you know there was one chick who wanted a Rat Fink tattoo on her stomach. And after a handjob and $400 bucks, I had to do it. Ugliest thing ever but hey, to each their own. I hate to see what her kids will think of this one.

Mom, what made you have this tattoo?
Lots of drugs, lots and lots of drugs.

Honey Boo-Boo has a bright future ahead of her don't see??? 

Now here is the best of the worst...just had to better have therapist on standby.

Number 1.

What has been seen can be never unseen. And I think after seeing this, my eyes need to be replaced with cybernetics. Or have my brain scoured of this memory. But, with that being said. Let's examine this shall we?
First of all, let's call this IT cause it just seem to work better for the purpose of this entry.

Damnit who let it decide to wear that, why has anyone fed it any food cause it looks like they can hula hoop through a fruit loop. Please tell me this it is not a stripper cause if so, I will make sure NEVER to frequent there. It needs to eat seriously. Come down south where, there some folks who will take you in and throw some soul food. You know; black eye peas, collard greens, corn bread, fried chicken and pecan pie for dessert. But I do need to know if this is one of the ITs of the evening. Who is paying for this. There isn't enough liquor to drink IT cute. Just saying. I think this is from the remake of the Crying Game don't believe me look here.

Indeed. I would cry too if I had seen this. Worse if I woke up to this. Heaven help us all. And help it. It needs to be feed so kindly send all food available to www. I need to feed the skinny . org . thank you for your kindness.

Well, I think I have tormented and corrupted your minds for the year. But, know that in 2013, there shall be much more of this pure insanity. But for now, make your appointments for your therapists. And have a wonder New Year...

And yes after seeing all that, we all can use some Lemon Pledge...si si si si si!!

Down with the establishment. Power to the People...

and let's all have a good laugh at all of the STUPID LAWS that our country have and know that some rules are just meant to be broken and laughed at. And there will be commentary in laws of this. Let's begin!

And let's start in the city of Dallas:

Up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos.

I know a few women RIGHT now that will be arrested and criminals. I going to rat them out if I don't get my hush money. And you know who you are and I know where you keep some of them. Under the bed in a shoebox, or the side of the bed in the drawer like a 38 special. Just know my friends, I know your secrets and I will snitch you out!!!! Unless payments are arranged. Thank you...

A recently passed anti-crime laws requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and explain to the nature of the crime about to be committed.

So I will inform folks of my intent to extort and blackmail you. I will be such a nice person and call. RING RING...Hello...this is me and I'm going to advise you that I will be...really who in the hell is going to be that stupid to inform victims of this. Sure let's just go head and have a sense of politeness. And if any criminal does this, they should be laughed out of the courtroom and take criminology 101 for dummies.

Now let's head to my home state of Mississippi

 A man may not seduce a woman by lying, and claiming he will marry her.

LOL...about a good 30% of the state's men and about 90 of high school students are breaking the law. And I wonder why that state is so rebellious! DOWN WITH THE MACHINE!!!!  I just had to laugh at this one. And who in the hell told lawmakers to propose this one???

It is illegal for a male to be sexually aroused in public.

So you better not have any Viagra in your system and see some hot lady walking around or you going to be having a boner in public and you going to jail. I hate to see that court hearing.

The people against Richard Harden (you can already see the pun in this one can't you??) case number OICU812, charged for having a erection in public. How do you plead.

Horny! By reason of getting some...

 No one may bribe any athlete to “rig” a game, match, tournament, etc.

Whoever made this law never went to an SEC game. But maybe that would explain why Southern Miss didn't win a damn game this year. GRRRRRR!!! Who was on the take damnit!!!! not one damn game?? seriously! Ok tangent over. Rigging games is necessary. If you ain't cheating you ain't trying.

And for my friends in Arkansas (oh did you know that it is illegal to pronounce Arkansas incorrectly and can be fined or jailed.)

In the city of Little Rock:

 Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.

I know a particular Shi-tzu that is going to be a criminal and going to doggy jail. This is the face of a criminal mastermind...

bad Oreo bad bad bad Oreo no beggin strips for you!

Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.

Are you getting this some person who shall remain nameless..... you goin to jail!!!!! But I guess it's perfectly acceptable if you of the same gender to flirt.Yeah this one is going to go sooo well with people.

Well I could go on with this, but I don't want you all to start having a full revolution and cause a civil outbreak of anarchy. But, have a good laugh at our tax-paying expense. and remember...

KNOW THE LAW!!!!

I don't know how to title this...

and the reason is because I just really don't know how I can even approach this. In all honesty, this has been an entry that I didn't even know if I was going to even post publicly. But, I figured that I just had to go head and get it out of the way and be done with it.

I am one of the people on this planet who really do not like having dreams. Call me weird, which I know many of you do. The reason being, is that I don't have the normal dreams that the other 99.9999999% of humanity. Oh not I says me. Mine has to go way out of left field. Luckily, I usually am so used to them that it don't bother me. Others would probably have to make a change of address at some of our wonderful looney hotels with the presidential, padded suites. YAY!!

Now, I will ponder this to you - even just have one of those dreams that just so clear, so intensive, so out there that you will swear on a stack of bibles (or any other religious book necessary for this entry), that it was real and not any figment of your mind's ramblings.

For the sake of many who actually read this at work, I shall keep it work friendly as possible. As well I will try to keep this as brief as necessary, only cause who would really wanna read the whole version of said event. More-so, I don't need anyone stealing this and make it into some made for TV movie or something like that. Then again, who would wanna film this and who in the hell would want to play me??? Well here goes...

The who thing takes place around my birthday. I was at some nice restaurant with a few friends and I have a card that reads go to the main room. Which I don't even know what it is. So I walk towards the kitchen and it leads up being some hotel room. There is a card and a chair. The card read: Sit here. So I did, then the white lights become red. (Yes spare me the Red Light Special jokes now...thank you) And a song starts playing. I feel a hand my shoulder and it was a woman who I don't even know just appears beside me. And when I say she was looking good, would be an understatement of epic magnitude. I will forgo the description,but I will say on a scale of 1 to 10, she be about a 99.

I hear this one song played, I never heard it before. But just one of those songs you heart at one of those strip-clubs, that you get a lap dance to - and for the sake of dragging this on more than necessary, I pretty much got the same thing. One song, one strip tease, one lap dance - one mind blowing experience. Or would had been if I didn't force myself to wake up. I know. I know. Something that good, why in the hell would anyone wake up. Just trust me on this, it's best I did. Besides, I was sweating more than a nun at a brothel. Needless to say, that I was up for the rest of the day and that was like 4 something in the damned morning. So I decided to listen to internet radio and you would not believe what song just came up and played? Yes you guessed it. It was that strip-tease song. (SPOOOOOOOOOOOKY) Well, it just thrown me back cause I could help about that dream from that one person who I do not even know have such an effect on me.

I recalled this to a friend and she said maybe it's the person who suppose to come into your life that is for you. To be 100% honest with you all, I really hope not. Why you ask? Well anyone who can just have that affect, and have me probably act like a damned imbecile, don't think I need to be meeting her. Then again, I know this person does not exist. Thank the yard gnomes for this small miracle. Since that one time, I probably had that same dream 3 times but I wake up before I ever get to that room. Get behind me temptress!I know maybe somewhere on this big mudball called Earth, this particular woman is roaming around, I would like to avoid her like the plague.

I will admit, this entry was allot harder to write than I would imagine. Mostly because something like this is a bit waaaaay too personal and a bit embarrassing. And who really wants something like this out. But I figured, writing it can exorcize the demon or something. Well now it's done. Typos and all. Now, what are the chances this fictitious person just happens to live in Dallas and just pops up while I go grab my morning coffee? Any betters???

Oh anyone who want to actually know what song that was playing. Here you go... Warning this will bump your speakers.

SAW