Arrogance you have, fall on your face you will..

Without me getting into my Yoda - inner Jedi mode, I just sometimes have to ask myself how can some people have so much arrogance and total self-absorbed so completely that they can even walk. It sometimes behooves me that any human can have some a feeling of self-importance, it is only by a miracle of epic magnitude they do not even choke upon it, not saying that it would not be an improvement upon the population and honestly, it don't think that the human race can really miss such people.

Reason being, there just some folks that I have seen and interact with that have this notion that the world not only sun revolved around them, that the center of the know universe you will find them sitting there with a sign that says here I am...gaze upon me and rejoyce. And then think that every person male, female, robotic alien, and poltician just sooooooo wants them. And this is one quote that was said from said individual's own head: I make men leave their wives, women leave their husbands. Gay men seek pussy and women seek me.

I almost had to laugh at the nonsense. I had to break down and actually say a few words. Not only because I'm a person who loves to knock pedestals off people's asses but since I'm the bad guy, it's my job to do so. Such is my calling. I just had to ask is it hard on your neck holding your nose so high in the air? And are you scared of birds taking air-bomb poops down your face? Not that this person may be used to having things loaded on their face, "yes, I did go there!" I swear if it rains the idiot shall drown and I'll be almost ready to post it on youtube.

Being that this person had to defend their self and call me some jealous, insecure jackass. I had to respond in the colorful, smooth way that people have come to know and love (or loathe depending on who knows me). I'm like jealous of what? Someone who had their car repoed for having not paid note for almost 3 months? yeah I'm hating on that. Someone who lives for buying fake products and "claim" they are the real article. Oh yeah. I didn't know Coach has an "E" in it. I'm so so jealous of that. Seriously, the douche baggery of some people. Just feel they need to get past their egotism and come down that elite high-horse. And seriously take the broomstick out their ass.

So, my minions, if you know people like that and trust me, we ALL do, do yourself a favor and a public service, knock their chair off these people. If they won't take a humility pill, shove it down their throats. There is already global warming and most of these people contribute it with all the hot air they exude. Now I am off to find me a Coache bag for Mother's day.

SAW

In the case of absolute humor...

I am now..going to write.

Somtimes the funniest things are those that come from the most unexpected of quarters. I was talking to a friend and he had the tell me he received a call with an invitation to be on Maury and the first thing that came to my mind was he being thrown to the wolves and have some crazy episode of "You are the baby daddy!" And I just had to get a chuckle. I had to ask was there someone that you did the mattress mambo and become a father of some child. He never answered but I can pretty much bet the house, two cars and a big bag of California's best happy-grass that it is.

Now me being the supportive friend that I am (and one who is a champion sarcastic speaker) I had to go be on there, if so when and I want a ringside seat? Almost insultingly he said NO! Thing is that I just have to go think about the one repeat guest on the show who appeared on the show I can say about a dozen times and had about thirty or so potential baby fathers and broke down into fits of over-hyped hysteria when each and every one of them were not selected to win a baby from the maternal lottery. Screaming to each one something to the affect of "This is your child, I am dead serious! Can you see the resemblance?! Just like you and blah blah blah!" I just have to think after the twenty-ninth time that number thirty will be the charm. I even think that Maury was picked to take a test just to make sure that everyone was given a fair chance. We don't want any discrimination suits right??

When it was finally over, it was revealed that the one person who be the father was the father but sadly was dead. Kind of a sad hand that the deck of fate dealt. The greatest mystery since the Kennedy Assassination or how the Kardashians be famous for doing absolutely nothing (unless you call a horrible sex tape famous) was finally solved.

So now I am thinking what will happen to this one potential lady who wishes to find out this child as the father? Good question. Will she just force a hand or will she go down her laundry list of suitors? Call out everyone in her freak-a-dex and ship them to Hollywoodland just to have them sit in a studio being greeted by an audience of people condemning those men saying you know that is your baby and take responsibility. Yes those are the father ok, accept it, man up and do your thing. Bur, what of those who are the father? You hardly ever get any apology for the potential embarrassment, or any sort of redemption from the audience, host or whatever. And people wonder why when those guys George Jefferson strut out like they got a free three piece dinner from Wangs and Thangs. Which does sound good now. Who wants to bring me some wangs and thangs?

But it is funny how many will boo and jeer one man's triumph. Especially when one is not. Well, put it into this context if you can. How can one be so fast to condemn one minute then once they see a FUBAR so fast never to admit they made a mistake and not say sorry for the mixup? So fast to convict, so slow to acquit. But I always say if you going to air out your laundry in a public forum, be prepared for a lash of ridicule that will ensue - negative or positive. And me being the Villain that I am...I shall give my 2.3888 cents of humor, cheer and a good bit of cynical truth. All free of charge. What better deal is there right???

I know that most of those women just want to have a father for their child and I agree they should. But, seriously, are there not other, better avenues than going on a show to make a potential spectacle of millions. I kind of wonder is it for a few want to get that 15 minutes of fame and sadly 14 minutes and 59 seconds of it. And that last second is not going fast enough.

Well if I have to see if my friend changes his mind and if so, I'll be grabbing my popcorn and pepsi and see if Maury be saying...in the case of this child...is he the baby father...

Vegas says 5 to 1 it is...I will take that bet...

SAW

Why I do what I do?

I guess that is one of the most important questions one can ask. Why do you do what you do? The variety of answers are near infinite and based on serveral experiences and personal codes and creeds that one keeps in themselves. But in terms for this entry and myself, I was asked why do I post many of the anti-motivationals, caption pictures and customed made signs as I do. The answer is quite simple, because it is a true hoot to do so. WIth soo much negative stuff right now, there is a huge need of good mirth and humor more than ever. And it is I, the protector of comedy, who will give every bit of crazy, twisted and quasi-offensive humor that I can find or conjure up. However, it is funny how many can be so damn ready to jump through the political correctness hoop and find something offensive and ready to complain. I usually say don't like it move on, don't look, block or whatenot. But, many have to play the moral police and steer the social conscious ship towards stupidity. I for one will not allow such things to happen upon my wacth However, I find it funny how many try to play the social correctness card are usually the first to be guilty of worse. Many say one who lives in a glass house should not throw rocks. I usually say make sure you got a curtain over the bathroom. I mean really who wants to watch you poop? I sure don't. Anyone who knows me know I am a person who likes to take a good hold of humor and ride it like a $3 stripper and get my money's worth out of it. Which is usually $1.37 before taxes. Just who I am. Some are too high-strung or self-absorbed with their own sense of self-importance that they need to have a few things poked and prodded for a good cheer. Maybe that can get them to find a sense of humility. So whenever I post something it is usually for one reason only, ok maybe a few but mostly for a good laugh. I mean really some people need to have things examined from a comedic view. Stop being so serious all the damned time. So I say now, get your thumb our your ass, step off your high horse and partake in a good laugh. Cause not everyone is laughing with you - but at you and even so, have a laugh at yourself. I do. And I do this why?? well it's cause I can and need to. Carry on! SAW