Blog Therapy..

I am doing this blog therapy because for some damned reason, society shuns you to take spiked baseball bats to work and bash people over the head like undead zombies or something like that. So now, I just have to let myself vent onto the world wide web in my own corner of the cyber realm.

I do apologize to those who been waiting for me to update my blogs. I just have been in such a bad place over the last few months, I just could not force myself to write down what's on my mind. For the reason, it was just too dark, painful, and honestly a bit too dangerous for anyone really to understand what's up.

But to give you a recap of things, here is the Cliff Notes version of events.

Well the Skank of my Job has finally left the place to find new plague infested lands up north to spawn her annoying life and make others miserable. I for one do not miss her. If it did I would miss her with a semi and try to reverse it to hit her. There always been so much tension between us over the last few years working together, I don't know why. I never had much of a bad opinion about her, except she was a very self-absorbed, self-centered, self-righteous twatcicle who always had to be right and heaven help you if you tried to countermand the notion that the universe revolved around this fool. What was even funnier is that she wanted to take over the supervisory position and be in charge of everyone. Well, I would tell you now, boys and girls is that if that would had happened, there would been a mass exodus of folks leaving and I would been first out the door. I never knew how much she was disliked until after she left. The tension and the aura of blah seemed to have been evaporated. But then again, I think it's still there.

I am really starting to hate my job more and more by the day. It was a point that I was starting to find a bit of happiness - OK, maybe not happiness; but a sense of contentment. But, now of days, it just takes almost an epic effort just to get out of bed and find the motivation to go travel to the bus stop, head down to Richardson, and work 8 hours a day.

Problem is that mostly everyone is just so damned triffling and when I say triffling, it's like everyone is out for themselves. Ever since the company got sold "yeah, we are now part of a massive conglomerate, that's been after us for years so it would seem" the whole dynamic has changed to something so different.

I had very little interactions with the new people that is running to show, and to be 100% honest, I don't really want to. But management is still management and management is still all about the bottom line. Which wouldn't be so bad - if the damn people I work with wouldn't be such damn snippy bitches who just feel like they have to tattle on every thing. I mean things that don't need to escalated to management could just easily be told to people but nope...gotta copy every manager on this like telling you mom on your siblings' every damn movement, mistake and whatnot. I'm like damn bitch...STOP SNITCHING!!!!!

But you know that it's almost impossible for something like that to happen. And now you have people who try to pretend to be like the 2nd in command and act like they semi-bosses themselves. I just try to be a bit accommodating for the sake of keeping some type of peace. But, there times when I just have had enough of the bullshit.

Perfect example is a few weeks ago, it just been a total bad day; when I say bad day, I mean let's take a trip to Clusterfuck City - where everything that can go wrong, just went wrong and it's Dogpile on me day. Well, people say oooh it's just constructive criticism but you can only take so much of it until it just becomes a bit more of personal attacks. When, I got to a point where I had enough and lashed out for the briefest of moments. And when I said lashed out, I mean I almost let out my darkside come out and I would probably be out of a job because I would just spoke my mind on a few folks who would not like what I would have to say. But, I counted to 10 in my mind, breathed deeply and chained my emotions back down. I don't like to lose my self-control as I have. Because, that would be something that noone would want me to see, it's a dangerous thing. Trust me on that one.

I think to be honest, I did put a bit of a scare in some people because I never let my emotions get the best of me - yet, there comes a time that even the strongest of wills slip and you going to see the true self come out. I have fought a long time to keep that part of me away. The masks I wear really is for the protection of others. Yet, there is going to be a time that I will say to hell with it all and let the demons out to play and I will not be held responsible for the outcome of all this.

I know the question begs to be asked, why don't I just look for another job. Well, I am already in the process of doing that. But, I don't want to leave until I know for certain I can find something, or already have something put into place before I go. There is no sense in leaving a sure thing for nothing. Yet, there have been many times and I do mean many times, I have been so tempted to pack up my bag and chuck a deuce to everyone there and say fuck you all in this estrogen ocean.

more to come later.