My Top 10 Worst Movies Ever Made
10. The Bodyguard
Sometimes, I really try to think would anyone make protecting a famous singer from a stalker become a love story. It seem it was. Singer falls for bodyguard after the stalker gets put down. A song that many thought was originally done by the star of the movie yet many don't even know it was a remake. Yes, Whitney did hit the killer high pitch toward the end. Guy gets girl. Pardon me as I break out the party favors. I think the stalker should really got to them and finished this movie in 30 minutes. I can watch an interview with Charlie Manson and get more entertainment.
9. Fat Albert
Hey! Hey! Hey! It's a baaaaaaaaad movie!
I'm goin' to sing a song to you!!!!
Why this movie's full of pooooo!
You took a cartoon, and turned it into crap.
Every time I watch it, I have to take a nap.
Yes, this movie is horrible with a capital H! You take one of the guys from Good Burger (which can be placed as an dishonorable mention in itself.) And attempt to bring good humor and overall fun into the movies. I can even think Mushmouth can speak Queen English with perfect articulation and say, "What in the hell is this crap?
8. Batman (1989)
Take Beetlejuice and a bunch of bad writing and horrid directing and what you get. Something that even Robin would yell out. "Holy Craptastically Bad Movie!" Let's take into account why this movie is enough to make you wanna Bat-toosie your way out the door. Tim Burton and Sam Hamm - I don't know who was responsible for the "creative licensing" to say The Joker kill the Waynes, to have Harvey Dent be played by a black man "Billy Dee Williams" not even a good cold can of Colt 45 can save this. And the shocker, how the hell you going to let Vicki Vale just be walked into the Batcave with Alfred. Hello..if you going to have a secret identity you sure as hell not going to just let your girlfriend or whatever just be escorted to your secret place by the butler. The man would be fired faster than a porn star school teacher. Only saving grace if Jack
performance and that is about as far as I go.
7. Dirty Dancing
You can start the screams and hellstorm now. You hate this movie?? I can say it in one word. YES!!!!! Sorry, why am I going to go all ga-ga about a love movie about the sweet girl and the bad boy dancer in search of rhythm. Noone puts Baby in the corner. I think Baby should have been hurled into the deepest corner, and guarded by an army rabid, starved possoms and dare baby to leave. And the final scene, it would been hilarious if he lifted her up and fell flat on his ass. Yes. I went there. I had the time of my life. It sure wasn't watching this movie. I had better times watching leper kung-fu.
6. The Watchmen
Oh! How I loathe this movie in ways that can not be uttered because there small children in China who do not need to hear the spews of profanity that can be spoken when this movie is described. Take a classic piece of comic writing by a mad genius Alan Moore and turn it into movie that was more CGI, less acting and all believability. I think you can convince there are such things flying pink unicorns that fart skittles and piss out chilled champagne. The acting was horrible to a point I think they just wanted to get it over with, get their money and go home. And the moron who played Dr. Manhattan...I will not even waste my words uttering your name. I seen move realistic acting from corpses. For the sake of fairness...I will say one nice thing about this movie. Had an decent soundtrack. Even the creator of this masterpiece said after watching it he had a serious W......T........F....moment. Damn you DC for destroying this. Damn you to the bowls of hell I say!
5. Ghostbusters
There some movies that try too hard. There some movies that try and fail. And there some movies that just try and suck. Bill Muarry, why did you forsake good movies? Ok not forsake, but stick to good movies like. Stripes and Caddyshack. Now this dribble. I'm sorry. New York city infested by ghosts and you run around with some converted hearse. I don't care with anyone say that is a hearse....and I think they should carried this movie to it's final resting place. Even the one token black guy was like, as long as you pay me, I'll believe anything. I think you should got paid more for the job. I do think that the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man should stomped the lot of them. Have lil white specks in its feet.
4. It
I will be the first to say, I have a natural disdain of clowns. Yes, I hate clowns. I am a card carrying bozophobe. I would have that Marshmallow dude eat Pennywise up and call it a public service. The again, I don't think there much service for this movie but to say this is one of the few Stephen King movies that make this list. I do find some of his work good and others...well I can't stand it. And this one starts off the rants. What can I say - I HATE CLOWNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The top 3. I think will cause so much problems to so many. But, it must be said....they are bad bad bad. Let's go.
I know this is suppose to be one of the top 10 movies ever made and a modern classic. I don't think in my opinion this is a classic. I still try to even wonder why is this cinematic nightmare is great. Very overrated. Yes it's a good amount of violence. Which is ok. But this movie has more plot holes and twists than a Spanish Novella on Univision. I think where is the redemption for this. But, I feel I wanna embrace my Inquisition mode and say. There is no redemption, there is no forgiveness. There is only damnation for this movie. I judge it as heretical and must be burned. Or at least publicly flogged.
2. The Green Mile
I walk down the long roads, the paths that lead to destination of prosperity, joy and enlightenment. Too bad if you walk down this green mile, learn that this will be 3 hours that I will never get back. I usually call The Green Mile as the Shawshank Redemption's bastard cousin. But has a magical negro friend who can raise the dead.
Yeah...I'm going there....
This movie just really did not get me like countless others. Who knows, but this gets me a reaction to just go on a marathon and run 26 green miles away from here. Not bad screen play. Unconvincing acting and plot that leaves me more confused than translating Latin to Ebonics for Frenchmen. The movie should be executed for crimes against film.
I know many are ready to scream and cuss me out like a drunk sailor on leave. Yet, wait there is just one more. If you ready to disavow me, let's go all in. Let me drive my movie dislikes home with my #1 worst movie ever made. Ladies hold on to your boyfriend pillows...
#1 The Princess Bride
Oh this celluloid abortion should have never been thought of. Peter Faulk, go back to being a detective and investigate why in the world this movie is suppose to be so great. The only redeeming quality of this movie and I do mean ONLY thing is Inigo Montoya. I can see why Puss from the Shrek movies use him. It's about the best thing going for it and if you going to rob concepts from movies, may as well do something good with it. I know this is suppose to be one of the ultimate chick flicks and girly movies. Guy find girl, girl falls in love. Girl gets her happy ever after. I get to go into diabetic shock from all the sweet, sappiness. My goodness, dentists are wetting themselves with the potential teeth work they will get from the cavities after watching the first 30 minutes of this. I don't know if it's the predictability of this hogwash or just the overdrawn novel of hero saves the day...blah blah blah. I just wish the villain would got away with it. But sadly, Hollywood never allows that or where is the faith of the good always winning in the end and the hero gets the girl? And the name Buttercup...only good about a buttercup is if it's made by Resses's Mmmmmmm now that's something we can all enjoy.
Let me storm the castle...and slaughter everyone there and burn it and this movie down. Can't watch this movie without wanna have a few shots of Everclear or anything else that will put me to sleep. But, now I shall duel Inigo for killing his dreams.
So who still is my friend now?? I may by myself, alienated the entire planet with this list. If I was to hate these movies that many consider classics...surely we have to debate what is a classic. These are nowhere near that list. What are my top 10 best movies made. Well that is another blog for another time. If anyone still wants to read my work. :) :) :)
SAW
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