Another Craptastic Monday

Well this has been a pretty craptastic day. I been dreading Monday all weekend. And when you try to dread things, the faster the time comes to your doorstep. This morning I get called into a meeting with about 90% of the department that I work with and get the news that I pretty much expected or foreseen. That I will pretty much be laid off come Friday. Yeah, how much a way to come into a place where there is enough tension you can cut it with a toothpick to hear what you did not want to hear (Or pretty much expect).

I can’t get into the specifics but I will say that some companies are stupid asses and I have little or no respect for any company that is so damn willing to outsource to foreign countries just to save a penny or 3. And then have the notion and nerve to say “American Made” gimme a few firebombs. But I know this is a nation for, of, and about the corporation. To hell with the people. The national language is not English or Spanish but Cashola. But, I wonder how can one company, who deals with workman’s comp can handle some type of business and handle cases in the Philippines for things in the states. First of all, you got to consider the HUGE time difference. So they going to be working at night to cover the day time business. I sure as hell ain’t going to be put my medical faith in nurses who are half-sleep. And let’s hope and PRAY they can actually talk English with some type of fluency. Some of the doctors I had interaction with can hardly understand or communicate with the natives without going insane. I sure as all hell don’t see how they going to be “convincing”. I wouldn’t drink the water; I don’t think I can trust the nurse.

Alas, now will be off work Friday, and I already been running my mind and instincts into “survival mode”. Must do what it takes to make it till something else comes along. But, I always believed that you a paycheck away from unemployment and a dollar away from broke. Seems those words have never been more true. Anyone needed some real talk there is some for you.

I can’t be mad at the employer for what’s going on. Nor would I say anything bad about them. If anything, just think there need to be a harder hustle to get more business. But, other than that, I can’t fault them for this. And I couldn’t have work with a better group of people. And honestly, I had the best bosses in the world and my heart goes out to them. Because, I know that this is not something to be done lightly or wanted to do. It’s the nature of business and survival – so I can understand that and they at least told us ahead of time what’s up and what will happen. Most companies would just throw this bomb on you when you least expect it and put all your days into a firestorm of crapola and anarchy. Yet, they kept it real and told us early. For that, I have the biggest amount of respect. And I know deep down this was a hard decision and I know that the needs of the company outweigh just any individual or group. I don't envy you or your task a bit. And thank you for being open, honest and human. I know it's not always about the profit and bottom line and having a heart and a sense of decency and integrity is more important. You all kick ass for that. *Some companies take note of this.....* Ass munch!

SO, now just have to take care of a few business matters in terms of my benefits and update the resume. That is always going to be a barrel of monkeys. Finding a job in the Metroplex that is worth it is about as finding a virgin in a brothel. Maybe I can bounce back up from this, if the ball don’t have tooo big a puncture wound. The hustle struggle shall continue but this does suck a big one.

I’m trying to find the silver lining in this hellish cloud – especially when there is lightning striking all over. And kind of sucks cause for the first time in ages, you find a place where you actually enjoy coming to work at. But, maybe there is hope there will be an upswing and the band can get back together. However, hope is something that I keep in very low supply and those who know my views about hope. But the one thing from all this is that I can actually SLEEP in some for a while. Now just need to win this damned lottery.

SAW

was considering...

I was considering posting a few of my of my stories that I written abouts here and there and figured if anyone wanted to read it feel free to...but I don't know just yet still wondering. who wants story time????

If you trust in a bridge of friendship...

make sure that it's not built out of cooked spaghetti. It will not hold much of anything. And will tear on the slightest strain. Over the last few months, I am beginning to see that many of those so-called friendships I had were not built on the strong foundations of bricks, more like play-dough. And not even the good kind, that stuff you have to add water to it to even make it work.

The worst thing about all these is the empty promises most give, I'm sure most of you all heard them. Any sound familiar?

No we will always be friends. Nothing can come between that.

If you need an ear, I'm willing to listen.

Whatever happens - you got me on your side.

BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!

As I wrote in another blog, friends forever has a very short shelf-life. Like fish, it goes bad after 3 days. Now, I'm seeing the truth of it more. How can so many people "claim" to be so real about themselves, promise to always be around regardless of whats up with them. (work, relationships,distance, etc.)Yet, when you hear from them (if you do at all) it's short, clipped, even forced.) Well far be it from me to make you actually WANT to carry on such a mundane endeavor or to waste your precious minutes out of your busy, exciting life.

I think that the worst part of all this is just how most people can be so nonchalant about severing whatever you had on a whim. And for many times the most asinine of reasons. I will spare the words simply cause I know about 99.33% of you heard them on numerous occasions. No need to beat a dead horse worse than your friendships right? Just out the blue cease contact with you. No reason (oh wait they don't need to give you one - their choice they didn't need to. Oh I forgot) No email, call, text, mob messenger. Not even the common courtesy to say fuck you...goodbye. Oh yeah what was I thinking, they didn't care right. They just put a block on you, delete you from everything you had contact with, and what have you. And these are suppose to be your friends? Wow! And they do this to preserve something more grandiose right?

There is an old proverb that says: The truest wealth is in a man is measured by the friends he has. Well, then I'm going broke faster than Charlie Sheen at a hooker convention. Sure don't feel like winning on this one. It's an EPIC FAIL.

But, in the aftermath of all this, I guess I did learn something. Forever is not permanent. (give it less then 2 years maybe) Insecurities is the coin of stupidity and irrational thought. Loyalty goes as far as convenience will allow it. And if your friends are in relationships. Chances are you better start looking on Craig's list for new friends. Or by a dog. This does not apply to all but it does to a huge majority. And now I'm seeing the numbers rising higher than the national debt.

I will end this rant with this. Real friends hard to find - I learned that much and to those who are that. This does not pertain to you. And know you are appreciated beyond words. And those who can relate and understand this - know that your voice is heard. But those who are guitly. A perfect anagram can describe what a friend is:

Fraudulent

Ridiculous

Individuals

Effortlessly

Nurturing

Delusions

Think about that before using that phrase again...

How far has one progressed...

just to thrown so far back. I read this article and honestly it really made me think and wonder.

http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/04/nearly-of-mississippi-republicans-think-interracial-marriage-should-be-illegal.php

With such progress that this nation has achieved within the last few years, and yes, we have, how can something like this just be so disturbing? And the consensus of many?
And what even makes this strike a nerve for me personally is that this is from my own home state.

First of all, yes I am from Mississippi. Been there almost my entire life and I am proud to say I am from there and always will be. Yet, I hear so many of the stereotypes thrown about this state: how backward it is, where they still think it's the Civil War and not progressed to the 21st century and that racism is still the language of the day. To make matters worse, I had people ask me do they still hang people there in 2011?

There is no need of retelling my state's dark and tragic history. Or even mention that yes, there still places there that you be best not to be around after sunset, but the question you must ask is why?

The answer is as simple as the sun is bright during the day: Ignorance, fear and honestly plan stupidity.

Really make something illegal just because two people who may love each other can't get married based on a skin color. Really??? And law makers who are elected by the citizenry want this. Remember most of our elected officials have the minds and interests of their constituents' views and values. So the ideas of many are of blindness. (We not talking racism - cause everyone has an inherit racism of one or another. As sad as it is, it's there and never will be clearly eradicated.) But just on something so obvious.

I ask anyone regardless of color, political affiliation or values this one question: if it doesn't apply to you directly to you: why is it such a big deal. You not the one who is in the relationship and it don't affect you personally. Why should you or do you care? Does it affect your personal, everyday life???

Where is it that it is written you have to be one color one race to have a relationship? Will it cause some apocalyptic event for one to marry outside their race? Get a grip! In this country, show me some family line that has not veered off their tree to play in another bush. For ALL those who claim they can, I can probably say look at those "secret" branches in the closet.

Wake up people. You don't have to like it, you don't even have to acknowledge it but at least don't run around and prohibit something that has no LEGAL precedent just because you don't like it.

And for my state, let's just come into the present. Let's not be the butt of so many jokes by the rest of the nation. Wake up and open your mind and be reasonable here. It's not hard to do.

Now the winter is over...

it is time for the season of rebirth. The time of renewal and the likes. But, I learned, the more things change, the more it stays the same. Just pushed ahead months later. Trees will start to bloom, the pollen will come out to make me sneeze half my brains. People will go out starting to reproduce enmasse...blah blah blah.

And most importantly, I'll still be here. Still pondering many things that go through my messed up mind.

Someone asked me once what can possibly go through my head that makes me who I am and all? I had to sit down and really think that for a moment. Not because that question was not a valid one. It certainly is one of the more important ones. Thing is that most of it is difficult to really explain. Half the times, I can't even fish out half the thoughts out of myself. The rest of the time, trying to express it in a way that can be understood - without making those feel like they got dunce caps on their heads.

Also think that the biggest thing out of it all is that it is hard for many to understand it until they lived it, experienced it or just been caught in it. I can't say I never understand childbirth. Simply cause that would be a medical miracle and a mystery for the ages. Just as most probably can't figure out the notions of myself cause to be able to handle it. Maybe some can - have the capacity to cope with it. Others may be crushed from the burden.

And the outlets are not as reassuring that is true. How can many ever tell their feelings or thoughts if our peers rarely been in them or have think their way of coping is for then? But the worst is feeling ridiculed or judged. No one wishes for that and sadly, it happens moreso than not. Not in the ways you expect, but the subtle, nondescript ways in reaction, body language and tone. One can be condescending and dismissive and pretend to be the most concerning, passionate people. How nice of them right?

Fake friends are your realest enemies. Unfortunately, there isn't a person that don't have them. I just be careful with what I say and express myself carefully. I wonder how many others have to walk on such eggshells?

And here we are again...

celebrating the day that out of the 365 that I can say I hate the absolute most.

Why is that you may ask? Well the answers will be forthcoming, but I will say that if I can just time travel or sleep the day and wake up on the 15th I would. And the only reason I won't build some weapon and annihilate February 14th from all calendars is because it's my mother's birthday. She already got her birthday gift from me. She never ask for a Valentine gift, and I know she understands and never bums out. Besides mom gets love and shown that every day of the year.

Valentines day, who really gives a damn about this day of fat naked angels flying around with arrows shooting at people with love arrows. In some states you can be sent to an asylum and be chemically lobotomized for this. Or at least imprisoned.

Let's face it and explain the symbolism of the biggest of the Hallmark Holidays, well with the exception of Christmas. The only winners in this economic bedlam are: florists, candy makers (oh yeah let's have people protest that Valentine food makes people fat and have them outlawed why don't we???) and jewelers. Better make sure your significant others better be able to tell their friends. They Went To Jared Jewelers.

It's kinda sad that most people go out of their way to put so much emphasis on one day, go broke trying to make this day perfect. But you hear the classic defense of many of the brainwashed Valentiners. "Oh if you love them you show this affection every way." Which is true, you should but. I challenge ANYONE to say that this one day these 24 hours, you have to pull out all the stops and make it better. And in many cases ensure you are around for ANOTHER year of them. Sadly, this is one of the holidays where more breakups occur. And you wonder why? The logic is simple. As you can tell, if you don't show how much you love them on this day and if the monetary amount is not suitable to what they feel love is worth on this evil occasion, be rest assured you will not be around much longer.

Which now sets up everything that I had to contend with. All the previously mentioned contents of the blog all tie up to my own hells I had to deal with over the years. I will spare you every notion but will give the worst of the lot. The names will not be mentioned because honestly, they not worth speaking but the events have to be told and don't worry I will keep it as short and painless as possible:

Bad Valentine #1
Spend almost a week getting everything perfect, make a reservation at a very nice restaurant. One that does not ask the question. "Would you like fries with that?" (hell should took her there if I knew the outcome)

One on particular Valentine’s day, (My first with a relationship too) I was trying to compose the perfect evening with my girlfriend at the time. So in my moment of trying to make it memorable, I got reservations for a restaurant, even got a dozen red roses with the white tips. (nice stuff there) and a tennis bracelet. Oh that was my fatal error. Never give bling bling for this day. It always ends ugly. Well, I already knew it was going be bad when she arrives 15 minutes late and this woman’s pet peeve is people being late. I give her the gifts, and I can see that she had launched into the “awws” and “oh you so sweet” gestures that seems almost mechanical in its sincerity. Well after she got all her presents and looking at the bracelet as if it was something I got from a Crack Jack box.
Eating dinner (which mercifully wasn’t as expensive as it could been) and close to the bill (I was paying for it so it wasn’t much a problem), she told me that she needed to talk to me about something. Not even thinking about it and being concerned, I said what’s wrong? Well without dragging this blog than needed, just insert any blah blah blah, this isn’t working, blah blah blah. I just think we need space. Blah blah blah hope we can be friends. Mostly, you know the rules. If she said she needs a change of pace, it usually means she got someone NEW and your services are not longer required. RIIIGHT!

Now you think that she would had some class and gave back the gifts or even go half on the date since she pretty much dropped me like yesterday’s garbage? HELL NO! Selfish folks giving back jewelry? You gave it to me when we were together, and anything given at the time stays with me. But at least she had enough decency to pay her half of dinner before she ran into the arms of her new man. Probably to this day she probably hocked that bracelet, little she know that it was little more than costume jewelry.

The second was about the same notion; fast forward a few years later. Different city, take a Valentine’s night at the local Olive Garden. Some Godiva Chocolate and 2 dozen white roses. (I think really that roses are the flowers of death) Have a date, nice conversation and then out the blue she says that, it’s over because I don’t think I can love you. Now you have to think of the shock, hell the couple next to us looked at her like WOW on this day you say this. Don’t know why or how it started but say we gotta end it. Dropped $40 bucks and walked out. No reason, no explanation (till a week later where she said she was in love with someone else…real nice!), and feeling like a total jackass. I just wonder ok roses and February 14th is just a cursed day for me. Least that one couple bought me a glass of wine for my trouble.

Now there many others, but I hate to drag it. But explains if I would just get a few more dollars in debt, they would stayed. I know it’s not a materialistic relationship where you have to shower someone supposedly special with everything to say I love you. But, you be a blind, naïve fool to think that a good gift of this amount or more.

So in the end, what is worth it of this day? How can one day be so vile in yourself that you wish you can avoid it at all cost? I even wrote to Congress to have it outlawed stating many valid reasons. But, sadly it was never considered. Like we need more holidays for anything. In the end, I just go on, try to find the best in the worst. Usually consisting of half priced candy on the 15th. YEAH!!!!!!

So screw the day...happy over-priced day of marketed love

Oh yeah it's almost that time of year

that I so love and soooo loathe....been working on this very special entry for a while and hope to have it done by the vilest of days. oh happy day!!!!

(I wonder if the sarcasm is evident)