Now the winter is over...

it is time for the season of rebirth. The time of renewal and the likes. But, I learned, the more things change, the more it stays the same. Just pushed ahead months later. Trees will start to bloom, the pollen will come out to make me sneeze half my brains. People will go out starting to reproduce enmasse...blah blah blah.

And most importantly, I'll still be here. Still pondering many things that go through my messed up mind.

Someone asked me once what can possibly go through my head that makes me who I am and all? I had to sit down and really think that for a moment. Not because that question was not a valid one. It certainly is one of the more important ones. Thing is that most of it is difficult to really explain. Half the times, I can't even fish out half the thoughts out of myself. The rest of the time, trying to express it in a way that can be understood - without making those feel like they got dunce caps on their heads.

Also think that the biggest thing out of it all is that it is hard for many to understand it until they lived it, experienced it or just been caught in it. I can't say I never understand childbirth. Simply cause that would be a medical miracle and a mystery for the ages. Just as most probably can't figure out the notions of myself cause to be able to handle it. Maybe some can - have the capacity to cope with it. Others may be crushed from the burden.

And the outlets are not as reassuring that is true. How can many ever tell their feelings or thoughts if our peers rarely been in them or have think their way of coping is for then? But the worst is feeling ridiculed or judged. No one wishes for that and sadly, it happens moreso than not. Not in the ways you expect, but the subtle, nondescript ways in reaction, body language and tone. One can be condescending and dismissive and pretend to be the most concerning, passionate people. How nice of them right?

Fake friends are your realest enemies. Unfortunately, there isn't a person that don't have them. I just be careful with what I say and express myself carefully. I wonder how many others have to walk on such eggshells?