Welcome to Sappy Central..

Before I get into this much needed entry. I have to cue up some appropriate blogging music.

Yes, I think I shall write to the wonderful stylings of Beethoven's 5th Symphony in C Minor. Bet you folks didn't think I had such culture like that. Well, poo upon you! Now let me get to my blog.

I think in my old, cynical age, I have just become extremely jaded. If not jaded than very critical of many things and just so damn tempted to just lay into so many people who just are in need of the coldest of truths. Yet, that comes later...thing is that I have seen over that last few months that most places in the wide world of social media has turned into a sounding board of professing such announcements of undying love, devotion and posting of such sappy overly pictures with the enough sweet sentiment that diabetics will go into comas just by reading them. However, I ask myself why? Is it because they just have to yell it out to the world - to post something stating...ooh look look at me..I'm here...I'm in love..let me show all that by posting this and that to express my feelings. But give it a month before, you blasting the most vulgar words saying oh who cares about this or that or nothing will ever make me happy, shall be alone and blah blah blah. But there so many times I just want to come out and just throw the coldest wisdom out. Yet, sadly, doing this and I just get labeled as some jealous hater who just have to piss on a sunshiny day. Nope, never a hater. Because as many would understand about what a hater is - a hater is a person who jealously wanting what another has. And seriously, I don't want to become someone who got more sap than a tree. I will pass. There some I have seen that I wouldn't comment on because #1, I don't need to upset anyone, #2 many of what I say would be so vulgar that even a sailor will cry. #3, sometimes I don't need to feed the trolls of love.

But hold up...The Ride of the Valkyrie is playing. Oh such strong violins....

Kill the wrabbit!!! Kill the wrabbit!!!! Kill the wrabbit!!!!

Now let's discuss sappy responses shall we. I usually ignore many of the posts as I mentioned before. Giggle of how many folks just have to "like" and "share" the most cavity forming posts that should make any dentist cringe with fear. Now it comes a time that I can't hold back the sarcasm and the words that must be said. And now, it shall come! I have selected many of the sappy pics and stuff and it shall be twisted into my own dark response, from my own dark heart.

Let's start with the first one....

Apparently, these folks either need lots of sleeping pills, or have some very silly dreams. I don't care if I found Mrs. Perfect(which does not exist anyway) I be damned I ain't falling asleep. And what dreams you having anyway? That would be some interesting talk. Dr. Seuss must been taking too many 1 pill, 2 pills, red pills, blue pills (and I ain't talking Viagra either).

So does a virus! May need to get a shot...of tequila, vodka, or any other adult beverage you require to kill it. Hell down a few bottles of that Tennessee Moonshine if it helps. But, kill that thing that's goings on mkay???

Said by every stalker EVER!!!!! Oh I'm sorry they not stalkers, just overly-zealous patrons of admiration for you. And hellooooooo.....you said you have lots to say....well you said enough...now STFU!!!

This to me is so funny....I usually see things like this and I usually say well someone wants to deal with the headaches and the nonsense...let them go. As an old friend once told me - "Never try to hold on to something do damned determined to let go. Never sweat them, eject them." If you need another superhero to save you..go on then. And how will I be mad, hell I going to pop a beer and say it's your mess now.

OOH Captain Piccard, your wisdom has forever been one of the reasons why I like Star Trek: TNG. Who knows why...guess to be extra annoying but who knows.

So in closing...this is just what I think...I shall just ignore it all as I have but please as a public service, cut out all those annoying posts...cause honestly many don't care. Hell there some placing bets how long it will last hoping for a pay day. Hell even I am in a betting pool or two. Yes I did go there and honestly, think I care...

And here is one last quote. Maybe it will be famous or something.

"One should never confess to the world the love they have for another in a relationship. Confess it to the one that matters. Shouting  it to the world only makes the world shout back, SHUT UP!"
                                                                                            -Me

SAW
 

Yes I'm On A Rant...(no for the poltically correct or squeemish)

Ok before I even go on with this. Let me give you a warning right now from jump; there will be many colorful words, there will be many insulting and things that will make a nun cry and the most gritty sailor blush with embarrassment. So if you are one of those who shy away from the most vulgar and profane of blog entries, I do advise now to back away very slowly.

I will provide you with 30 seconds to decide...your time starts now...well I would give you that if the damn link would work..but oh well...


Made your choice yet........ good...


Now, if any knows the mess I do, I have to deal with doctor's offices, and some times the injured workers. Well on Friday,I have to call providers with decisions and stuff. I revile doing this cause many times folks get very salty and very upset. Well don't blame me I didn't make the decision...I am only the messenger.

Well today it just seem to be the collection of many folks who decide to have their bitchfits today. It must been that blood moon or something. Made them go into lunatic mode. Last call I had to make was to some nurse in Santa Monica...had to give what I said and she had to get very saucy saying if I was giving up decisions please have some intelligence to pronounce the words correctly. Before I go farther...let me say right now. I know many nurses, some of my dearest friends are nurses and I know that you all have some crazy jobs to do...nothing but the most respect to you folks for what you do. But...I'm bout to rant off on one of your fellow comrades in this matter.

Sorry I had to digress...

But when that doucetwat said that shit..oooh I had to get into my mind...did shit just try to smart off on me??

Well let me say to you now..thank you for correcting me...I am so glad that you could learn me in this. I am glad that you were in class that day to learn what the name of the medications were. I mean you could been out doing your 10-guy gangbangs to pay for your classes or was it this week you were shaking your ass at the local strip club...which one was it? Well either way, thank you for learning me. So I am so grateful for you could show me. And you be grateful that I could not say what I wanted to. Because trust me, you would had a good earful and then to hang up on my face. Oh hell naw.....if anyone knows me, that is the one thing you do NOT do.  Want to see me go evil...that is your best path to that. It took everything in me not to call her back and unload on her dumb ass. But, I just count to 10 and play guess the broken bone...as I use some a few baseball bats to limbs. I hope I don't have to deal with her again cause if I do, I may as well clear my desk cause I will be losing my job over this skankzilla.

Almost make me wanna embrace my inner Ike Turner.

Moving on...

Now, those who know how I am...I am one who is fluent of sarcasm and I'm one who just speaks it when its warranted. Now there some poor folks who just can't seem to lighten up with their own lives. I think they have their asses so tight, they burp out their farts. I mean seriously, there enough crazy shit in the world..there is a need for a bit of mirth and humor where it's needed and necessary. Calm the hell down. And what worse some say ooh if you have nothing positive to add then leave yourself out of it. OOOOH!!! Pardon the fuck out of me...!You need some thing positive. I got a good solution for you. Let's try this out ok?

Let's get a few roses or you can pick the flowers. (I would use poison ivy but naw..) You bend over, and I'll ram them up your ass. With all the shit you got over there, let's see if we can grow a positive garden. Want to see something positive...here you go

There you go...now go away..work on your shitty garden...and take your positive wanting bullshit with you. You want something positive..here you go. I'm positive that some of those idiots just need a good heaping helping of shut the fuck up and have a side of go the fuck away. Can't stand folks like that. I know I can't say I'm shocked. Hell I was sent here to piss the world off and I guess they are abusing the privilege. Stupid asses. And I just realized...

/Rant Ends

SAW

Random Nonsense

Waking up this early, on a rainy Sunday was not what I was really having planned. I would like to had slept in just a bit longer. However, my body and the pesky internal alarm had other plans. But, it should not be expected.

I know that it has been quite a while since I last entered anything. Just been a very insane few weeks to be honest with you. With moving to a new apartment (which has the thinnest walls ever grrrrr), and work being an absolute madhouse. I just could not get into any blogging in. Yet, now seems like a great time as any to just drop a few words here and there just to say I'm alive and kicking.

But, there is a more deeper reason why I have not really been writing anything here. Honestly, there allot of things that I just did not have the gumption to post. I am having a hard time just being able to organize my thoughts into something that I can put to either paper or computer. It hasn't always been this way but recently, I feel like a mental dam has been erected and nope can't get past it. I can pretty much summarize that it's from allot of stress that I been dealing with for the past few months. Much of it can't be so easily fixed. No matter how much I wish it could be. The others should be fixed if there was any opportunity to. And some can't be fixed no matter how much glue, tape and rope you have. I guess those things are the ones we just have to accept.

I won't really go into what is all going on. At least not now anyway. I don't know why, just lately, I having the most difficult time confiding any others. It wasn't always the case, yet now days. I just can't seem to open up and tell anyone my deepest issues. And the few I do - and it's a very small circle, I can't tell everything. Because honestly, their own lives and issues are as fucked up as mine is. So, I tend to just keep everything with myself to myself and listen to others. I always felt it was best to do it myself. I grew up trying to be self-reliant. Because I hate to be a burden to others. It's something I feel stronger about now. I been avoiding many people as of late. Not because I don't care about them or anything. It's mostly because I just have this deficiency of social interaction - especially among many strangers or acquaintances. I have to don that sociable mask and create the alter ego of who I wish myself to be for the public consumption. And to be 100% honest, it's something I feel I can't do.

To my friends I have been avoiding, please forgive me for my absence from you life. It not because I don't care. Far from it. I care enough to just not throw my issues upon you. Knowing many of you have your own problems going on.Or better so much good fortune or blessings, why dampen it with a shadow of killjoy. Of course I'll be there to listen, to cheer, to advise and to support. Yes, I'm being hypocritical in my reason - but your needs are more important than mine. I'll ease your worried and burdens, adding yours to mine. It's what I honestly think I was sent here for. No, I do not see myself as some martyr or someone who should be sainted. I'm just me. For one joys and pains I will stand with you. For my own, I must stand alone. It's best this way. None need worry of myself.

I survive. I endure.

SAW  

Maybe this is my cynical side of me blaring out...

then again, I know this is my cynical side coming out. Who the hell am I fooling? But, I just need to know, asked by the gentleman concerned. Why in the holy hell do stores have to break out holiday merchandise almost 2 months early? I mean I saw Valentines shit popping out in all the stores December 26th. I just have to think..what person is going to buy candy almost 2 months early? Don't some of that candy have like short shelf lives. And really what guy is going to be buying that candy and flowers, hide for almost a month and then give it to significant other. Yeah get the flowers today and give it to her a months later; red roses become black and dead. Yeah, you will be getting your ass a one way trip to your couch (and you will be lucky if you have a couch. You may be sleeping on the front porch...while your replacement be putting his shoes under your bed.)

I guess the stores have to think ooh let's get reminders for folks to buy up stuff. Just what idiot is going to buy it. Don't anyone know that many of the gift getters are procrastinators? Unless, they bout to cough up 3 grand for a ring, or a trip to some romantic place. Or make some reservations at a restaurant paying up 2 weeks salary for food that is over-priced but have to pay for the ambiance. Wanna take a date to a place with ambiance, take one to Waffle House.   Yes I said W A F F L E H O U S E!! How can I be such a romantic.

And besides, don't the stores know that those candies are always on sale the day after a holiday occurs. When the candy is 50% off or higher. I will admit, I do be ripping up the Kitt Katts on sale. So you can best believe on February 15th (which is known as National Breakup Day), I will be getting my candy fix. Mmmm and who I'm buying if for...MYSELF!!!!

And here is a Valentine Tip for you shoppers...better believe that love have a price tag for this year and if you don't have have tag met or exceeded...you will catch the hell.

Wanna bet that I'm wrong....test this theory....go for it...

Time to keep it real now...

I rarely just throw my weight into such controversial topics because many don't think logically and only lash out on emotion. Can't have any intellectual dialogue when most knee jerk the topic of the day. And I have been seeing a multitude of posters and a call of riot and protests for the Phil Robertson thing. Ok let me get this out of the way right now I shall throw a disclaimer right off jump so here goes.

DISCLAIMER:

If you are easily offended - short minded - extremist - or member of Westboro Baptist Church, please click that X on the top right corner of your screen.  

THANK YOU.

Now we got the legal mess out the way, let me go onto what I want to say.

First of all, I respect anyone's view of religion and they stance and views of it, regardless of your beliefs and views. I may not agree with all the doctrines of any religion, yet I will be listen, be respectful, and respond with equal respect and hope to have the same returned. Now I seen so many throw he is expressing his 1st amendment right of freedom of speech. Now - I will defend and support the 1st amendment (sidenote: someone posted that freedom of speech is the 5th amendment - seriously! Go back to civics class!)
Let me provide you with the actual wording of the 1st amendment:

Amendment I

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

You have to understand that you have the freedom of speech - yet you have to understand that even with a freedom of speech, there is a consequence. If it is positive or negative. Words said have an effect. And you have to consider whatever you say there is a price to pay. Now here is where I shall get the hellstorm. Freedom of speech does not protect one's employment. You have a view, you expressed your view. Nowhere does anyone get arrested, I don't see the government coming down taking them to some internment camp. A & E decided to suspend Robertson for speaking his mind and while it was against what A & E's views, folks have begun a crusade. Saying it's a violation. Where is the violation. The Constitution protects U.S. citizens from the government. Not the private sector. Employees are subject to any bi-laws and regulations that was presented to them at the time of employment. Obviously some was against the company views and they were let go. And before folks say what about religious discrimination - well I think they knew their religious views long beforehand before they even started the show. So you can throw that excuse out the window. And here is something to consider. What if there is some agreement/clause put into the contract. There many employers that have moral clauses or agreement that state if anything they feel reflects the company in a negative light, steps can be taken to separate themselves from it. Ever consider that the family have such clause in their contracts? Ever consider that? Course not - just ready to throw out the boycott and petitions. Freedom of speech does not protect the bottom line.

Then you hear the comparisons to ooh he speaks his views and his faith, he gets fired. Miley Cyrus twerks on naked men and licks hammers and she is famous. Well she was famous before that, she just a trainwreck now. But people you must consider this...does she have any company sponsors to speak of? Does she have her own show anymore? Unless you mean that crap from way back that I can pretty much suspect they pulled the plug on.Oh what about Kayne West? He speaks all this nonsense and what about him is he fired from his job? What job??? He owns his own production company? I don't think he going to fire himself. Is he a bigger mess and a train wreck and a half? Yes without a doubt. Yet his words have consequences as well. Where his sponsors? Those that buy his music. (If they buy it anyway)

When you work for a privately owned company, you subject to whatever regulations the company deems fit, you don't like it don't work there. You have the option to say no and move on. Tolerance, intolerance,love, hate...it don't matter. I have not even mentioned any of that just this. I want to keep this as short as possible without dragging it out to a point where I be writing past midnight. 

Well just so you know this is just truth and wisdom that most hate to hear and will be just emotionally charged. It's ok I still love you all...even if I lose friends over it. I have a consequence for speaking this and I accept it but remember - what you say will have its own consequence.

I don't care either way if the show is back on or not. I have no vested interest in it. I seen many of those folks in my life to satisfy any curiosity. I know many say they won't watch it for one reason or other. That's fine too. But to go all ballistic over a company doing a company decision...well you know....
 

SAW

 

80s Teen Flicks Challenge - with an evil twist. Add sugar for flavor..

Well after I have pretty much disappointed, offended and damn near scarred so many folks with my 10 worst movies ever made. I decided that after seeing a challenge, that I would do the 80's teen flick challenge. 100 movies from the 80's that were out and I have to say if I seen them and if so what I think of them. Well that will be quite a stretch there. I don't know how or if I can take it. The cynical points will be made with my own flavor and goodies for you all.

1. Ferris Bueller's Day Off - Ben Stein makes it watchable. Ben Stein rocks!!!!
2. The Breakfast Club - One of my secret, guilty pleasure movies. I will admit it. Me likes it.
3. Some Kind of Wonderful - Too bad this wasn't it. Wonderfully bad.
4. Pretty in Pink - Ugly on screen!
5. Secret Admirer - Should have stayed a secret and not told anyone about it.
6. The Karate Kid - Suck on! Suck off! Movie blows Daniel-san.
7. Three O'Clock High - You need to be high from 3 to 4:20.
8  Summer School - Failed the grade.
9. Valley Girl - They grew up to become surgeon wives and semi-retired hookers. Great career move
10.Fast Times At Ridgemont High - Fast into the brick wall this should go.
11. Losin' It - Lost it! And I will never get the time I wasted back.
12.Revenge of the Nerds - Booger For The Win!!!Good movie here.
13.The Rachel Papers - Which I couldn't read because there was no comics section.
14.Sixteen Candles - And it wasn't enough to burn this picture to the ground!
15.Weird Science - Oh let me use my computer to create a woman. *insert evil plans here* And Kelly Lebrock was hot!
16.Zapped! - And didn't die! Zap it again!
17.Say Anything - This movie sucks!!!!! There I said it!
18.Better off Dead - I want my $2!!!  In today's economy that would probably be $.42.I don't know why but I like this movie.
19.One Crazy Summer - I think that John Cusack probably had a monopoly in cheesy movies. Damnit man give someone else a job here.
20.St. Elmo's Fire - The roof...the roof...the roof is on fire....someone put this movie on top of it and let the ......burn.......
21.Teen Wolf - Better love story than Twilight (yes I went there)
22.Footloose - And fancy free. And folks still can't dance worth a crap.
23.Can't buy me Love - Apparently you not paying enough.But for 20 dollar she make you holla. And love you long time.
24.The Outsiders - Should been one of the insiders.
25.Heathers - Heathens!
26.Lucas - Can't say I like it, can't say I hate it. Yet, this is one movie that I can understand and relate too.
27.Just One of the Guys - I'm shocked there isn't a porn parody of this yet. They make every other parody of it. May as well with this..it almost writes itself.
28.Teen Witch - The mediocrity had many folks spellbound. In why was it made. Avadar Kadavra!
29.Porky's - 2 words.....FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!!! One of my top 10 favorite movies ever! Can't go wrong with a classic like this. Watch it..love it! Watch it again!! Nuff said!
30.Private Resort - It has Johnny Depp and not directed by Tim Burton, what is wrong with this picture? Oh yeah it's crap! So maybe it was directed by Tim Burton.
31.The Sure Thing - If you betting on it being that, then you lost. If you were betting this is yet another John Cusack movie, then you hit the lottery. My goodness..he should be in the Guinness.
32.Private School - One dude gets to be in a private school with horny girls. I think this has Dear Penthouse Forum written all over it. Bow chicka bow wow!
33.The Last American Virgin - Must be talking about Bad Luck Brian or something. Well here is the spoiler for you all...he gets laid.
34.The Wild Life - pretty tame, pretty dull, pretty boring. Pretty much a typical 80's teen movie.
35.Ski School - You won't see any minorities out there. Seeing black folks ski?? Nope unless you see them heading down the slopes with church shoes on. Don't even need skis.
36.Hot Dog...The Movie- My life as a Oscar Mayer wiener. Cook yourself!
37.Risky Business - We going to play a high school pimp with a good harem of women selling themselves while you get to shag the best one for free. Put her ass to work...
38.License to Drive - It has the Corey's. It has a Mercedes. It has me wanna change the channel!
39.The Lost Boys - A movie where you don't have vampires all sparkle and shit. And it has the Corey's.
40.Dream a Little Dream - For the sake of all things green and holy...did the Corey's just bumrush the Cusack regime and take over all the movies in Hollywood? Enough with you. I can dream of no more movies with those two. But I will say, the must got all kinds of teen tang...
41.Once Bitten - Twice shy...three times boring!
42.Hot Pursuit - The quest to take over the top movie spot by Mr. Cusack. I think there is a car chase scene down the streets of San Francisco too.
43.Soul Man - he has none.
44.Grandview U.S.A. - one I can say I never scene. I'll let you all be the judge of that. Pass.
45.Red Dawn - Being at the time one of the movie violent movies ever made and more gunshots fired than most wars, noone puts the Swayz in the corner....not without an AK-47.
46.Oxford Blues - and folks in the U.S. wonder why England hates us...we make crappy movies in their country. Bad show!
47.Like Father, Like Son - bad movies are hereditary. It runs in the family.
48.All the Right Movies - That leave some nut job into Scientology. There is where it all started.
49. Class - it has none. Epic fail!
50.Fraternity Vacation - The Sorority of I Felta Thigh were being molested allot here. I think there was some hazing too. Who knows.

Whew...we half way there. Still with me. Good. Let's carry on. (how many have you seen on this list?)

51.A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon - This has porn movie written all over it. I ain't even going to touch it. Not without washing my hands and wearing gloves. This can get nasty.
52.Loverboy - This ain't the band we talking about (and they do have some good songs mind you) just shows you how sappiness can win you something. What I have no damn clue.
53.Thrashin' - Skateboarders need love too...
54.Rad - BMX bike riders need love more...and better scripts and better acting and let's face it needs more than a few boards and a ramp can fix.
55.Pump Up the Volume - Dance!! Dance! Oh sorry...was thinking it was the video here. If you haven't heard it. Youtube it and prepare to get your dance on. Trust me you will...
56.The Night Before - And you can start out the story with these 5 words: See what had happen was...and it will end with "can you ease up on the handcuffs, Mr. Officer?"
57.Vison Quest - You must take the ring to Mordor...oh sorry wrong quest...I think this was a quest to find something lame and it succeeded before the end of the opening credits.
58. Back to School - It has Rodney Dangerfield (RIP) It has Sam Kinison (RIP). It has Oingo Boingo. What about this movie don't just scream kick ass!!!!?? Love it!
59.Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure - I had better adventures watching paint try. Neo...you suck!
60.The Flamingo Kid - I won't even go there...
61.Midnight Madness - A crazy scavenger hunt gone very wrong. I think they should had tried to find some talent in this movie. That would been the good hunt. The music send you right to a roller rink.
62.Youngblood - You would think this be a gang movie in South Central L.A. but nope. It's Swayze fresh from Red Dawn and dancing dirty. He gets around don't he.
63.Johnny Be Good - too bad the movie was not.
64.River's Edge - And they could not drown the cast in it. Grumpy cat is furious and so am I!
65.Permanent Record - Being convicted for crimes against cinema. Guilty as charged.
66.My Bodyguard - I think Kevin Costner started out in this before he became The Bodyguard. And it still sucked. Need to hire folks who can beat up the cast and crew to make better movies.

I am starting to think that most 80's movies just flat out blew chunks.

67.How I got into College - Sure wasn't on a scholarship. Still knee-deep in debt.
68.The Monster Squad - Should had ate them all and put everyone out their misery.
69.Revenge of the Nerds II - Very disappointing. Very sad. Very sucky! Le' Sigh!
70.Porky's II The Next Day - Wasn't as raunchy as the first, but still pretty entertaining.
71.Real Genius - And another guilty pleasure movie. Will say it's one of those things that I wanna go to an all science school with science nerds. Ahhh to dream.
72.Wargames - Where hacking goes wrong. Global Therma Nuclear War. Blow'em up. Blow up Seattle. No Starbucks, No Grunge, No Plaid Shirts! YES!!!!
73.My Science Project - To create something that will speed time to the end of this movie. Or go back in time and burn this so it never hits the theaters and call it a public service.
74.Breaking all the Rules - If you going to be a rebel..at least rebel...at least have some goal other than put one to sleep. Zzzzzzzzz
75.Adventures in Babysitting - CPS should been called on this one. Cinematic Protection Services
76.Hiding Out - And noone should tried to find this movie. Stay hidden!
77.Times Square - Never seen it so - I'll have to pass on this one.
78.Morgan Stewart's Coming Home - And everyone should had moved and left no forwarding address.
79.She's Out of Control - I know a few women like that. Some are good others...well not so much!
80.Girls Just Want to have Fun - And in many ways it leaves them out of control. Handcuffs and spankings are needed. But some of them may like it.
81.Don't Tell Mom, the BabySitter is Dead - Even the sexiness of Christina Applegate can't save this movie. Nor did it save the babysitter. Poor old lady. Least she died peacefully and didn't suffer watching this.
82.Nobody's Perfect - And this movie proves it.
83.Tuff Turf -You went into the wrong movie &^@#*@##^&!+(@
84.The Karate Kid Part II - You still suck worse in this one Daniel-san!
85.The Hollywood Knights - Can't save this damsel in distress. Let it die!
86.High School U.S.A. - Take 3 child stars (Different Strokes, Family Ties and Facts of Life) and what do you get. An NBC movie that should never been made and cancelled on the cutting room floor. Whatchu talkin bout Willis?? You suck!
87.Poison Ivy - No not that one about the potential Lolitaish style killer oooh no. This is Michael J. Fox needing something to do between Teen Wolf and Back to the Future. Be poison ivy....yeah that's a hit!
88.18 Again - Oh George Burns! How you make good one liners. Too bad the lines in this were bad. But, I still loves your work anyway.
89.The Last Starfighter - And noone can shoot you down...damn where is the Empire when you need it??
90.Making the Grade - Well you got the grade of F- or T for terrible.
91 - 100...let's just say that those are so bad so horrid and so damn pathetic that even I can't write any more without wanting to gouge my eyes out. Just let it be said that it sums up that most of those movies were bad bad bad bad bad..with a few good, and even excellent exceptions. Now. I'll pop in Porky's and have a good laugh.

SAW

Movies - Rankings - What's the best at being worst??

I don't think I can ever be like Roger Ebert, nor would I ever want to. Yet, after I posted a list of my top 5 worst movies ever made in my opinion (and catching the firestorm that was the masses ready to crucify me for cinema heresy) I figure I will send it one step farther. Or as a particular chef say, Let's Kick It Up A Knotch! Which I am about to do. Since I did before, I'm going with my 10 worst movies ever made and why I feel as such. Yes, I will catch hell. I may get disowned by friends and shunned by family members cause of it. But....it has to happen. And now...hold your seats and your ticket stubs. We going down a trip into my own personal madness.

My Top 10 Worst Movies Ever Made

10. The Bodyguard

Sometimes, I really try to think would anyone make protecting a famous singer from a stalker become a love story. It seem it was. Singer falls for bodyguard after the stalker gets put down. A song that many thought was originally done by the star of the movie yet many don't even know it was a remake. Yes, Whitney did hit the killer high pitch toward the end. Guy gets girl. Pardon me as I break out the party favors. I think the stalker should really got to them and finished this movie in 30 minutes. I can watch an interview with Charlie Manson and get more entertainment.

9. Fat Albert

Hey! Hey! Hey! It's a baaaaaaaaad movie!
I'm goin' to sing a song to you!!!!
Why this movie's full of pooooo!
You took a cartoon, and turned it into crap.
Every time I watch it, I have to take a nap.

Yes, this movie is horrible with a capital H! You take one of the guys from Good Burger (which can be placed as an dishonorable mention in itself.) And attempt to bring good humor and overall fun into the movies. I can even think Mushmouth can speak Queen English with perfect articulation and say, "What in the hell is this crap?

8. Batman (1989)

Take Beetlejuice and a bunch of bad writing and horrid directing and what you get. Something that even Robin would yell out. "Holy Craptastically Bad Movie!" Let's take into account why this movie is enough to make you wanna Bat-toosie your way out the door. Tim Burton and Sam Hamm - I don't know who was responsible for the "creative licensing" to say The Joker kill the Waynes, to have Harvey Dent be played by a black man "Billy Dee Williams" not even a good cold can of Colt 45 can save this. And the shocker, how the hell you going to let Vicki Vale just be walked into the Batcave with Alfred. Hello..if you going to have a secret identity you sure as hell not going to just let your girlfriend or whatever just be escorted to your secret place by the butler. The man would be fired faster than a porn star school teacher. Only saving grace if Jack
performance and that is about as far as I go.

7. Dirty Dancing

You can start the screams and hellstorm now. You hate this movie?? I can say it in one word. YES!!!!! Sorry, why am I going to go all ga-ga about a love movie about the sweet girl and the bad boy dancer in search of rhythm. Noone puts Baby in the corner. I think Baby should have been hurled into the deepest corner, and guarded by an army rabid, starved possoms and dare baby to leave. And the final scene, it would been hilarious if he lifted her up and fell flat on his ass. Yes. I went there. I had the time of my life. It sure wasn't watching this movie. I had better times watching leper kung-fu.

6. The Watchmen

Oh! How I loathe this movie in ways that can not be uttered because there small children in China who do not need to hear the spews of profanity that can be spoken when this movie is described. Take a classic piece of comic writing by a mad genius Alan Moore and turn it into movie that was more CGI, less acting and all believability. I think you can convince there are such things flying pink unicorns that fart skittles and piss out chilled champagne. The acting was horrible to a point I think they just wanted to get it over with, get their money and go home. And the moron who played Dr. Manhattan...I will not even waste my words uttering your name. I seen move realistic acting from corpses. For the sake of fairness...I will say one nice thing about this movie. Had an decent soundtrack. Even the creator of this masterpiece said after watching it he had a serious W......T........F....moment. Damn you DC for destroying this. Damn you to the bowls of hell I say!

5. Ghostbusters

There some movies that try too hard. There some movies that try and fail. And there some movies that just try and suck. Bill Muarry, why did you forsake good movies? Ok not forsake, but stick to good movies like. Stripes and Caddyshack. Now this dribble. I'm sorry. New York city infested by ghosts and you run around with some converted hearse. I don't care with anyone say that is a hearse....and I think they should carried this movie to it's final resting place. Even the one token black guy was like, as long as you pay me, I'll believe anything. I think you should got paid more for the job. I do think that the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man should stomped the lot of them. Have lil white specks in its feet.

4. It

I will be the first to say, I have a natural disdain of clowns. Yes, I hate clowns. I am a card carrying bozophobe. I would have that Marshmallow dude eat Pennywise up and call it a public service. The again, I don't think there much service for this movie but to say this is one of the few Stephen King movies that make this list. I do find some of his work good and others...well I can't stand it. And this one starts off the rants. What can I say - I HATE CLOWNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The top 3. I think will cause so much problems to so many. But, it must be said....they are bad bad bad. Let's go.

3. The Shawshank Redemption

I know this is suppose to be one of the top 10 movies ever made and a modern classic. I don't think in my opinion this is a classic. I still try to even wonder why is this cinematic nightmare is great. Very overrated. Yes it's a good amount of violence. Which is ok. But this movie has more plot holes and twists than a Spanish Novella on Univision. I think where is the redemption for this. But, I feel I wanna embrace my Inquisition mode and say. There is no redemption, there is no forgiveness. There is only damnation for this movie. I judge it as heretical and must be burned. Or at least publicly flogged.

2. The Green Mile

I walk down the long roads, the paths that lead to destination of prosperity, joy and enlightenment. Too bad if you walk down this green mile, learn that this will be 3 hours that I will never get back. I usually call The Green Mile as the Shawshank Redemption's bastard cousin. But has a magical negro friend who can raise the dead.

Yeah...I'm going there....

This movie just really did not get me like countless others. Who knows, but this gets me a reaction to just go on a marathon and run 26 green miles away from here. Not bad screen play. Unconvincing acting and plot that leaves me more confused than translating Latin to Ebonics for Frenchmen. The movie should be executed for crimes against film.

I know many are ready to scream and cuss me out like a drunk sailor on leave. Yet, wait there is just one more. If you ready to disavow me, let's go all in. Let me drive my movie dislikes home with my #1 worst movie ever made. Ladies hold on to your boyfriend pillows...

#1 The Princess Bride

Oh this celluloid abortion should have never been thought of. Peter Faulk, go back to being a detective and investigate why in the world this movie is suppose to be so great. The only redeeming quality of this movie and I do mean ONLY thing is Inigo Montoya. I can see why Puss from the Shrek movies use him. It's about the best thing going for it and if you going to rob concepts from movies, may as well do something good with it. I know this is suppose to be one of the ultimate chick flicks and girly movies. Guy find girl, girl falls in love. Girl gets her happy ever after. I get to go into diabetic shock from all the sweet, sappiness. My goodness, dentists are wetting themselves with the potential teeth work they will get from the cavities after watching the first 30 minutes of this. I don't know if it's the predictability of this hogwash or just the overdrawn novel of hero saves the day...blah blah blah. I just wish the villain would got away with it. But sadly, Hollywood never allows that or where is the faith of the good always winning in the end and the hero gets the girl? And the name Buttercup...only good about a buttercup is if it's made by Resses's Mmmmmmm now that's something we can all enjoy.

Let me storm the castle...and slaughter everyone there and burn it and this movie down. Can't watch this movie without wanna have a few shots of Everclear or anything else that will put me to sleep. But, now I shall duel Inigo for killing his dreams.

En Garde!!

So who still is my friend now?? I may by myself, alienated the entire planet with this list. If I was to hate these movies that many consider classics...surely we have to debate what is a classic. These are nowhere near that list. What are my top 10 best movies made. Well that is another blog for another time. If anyone still wants to read my work. :) :) :)

SAW