Looking at yourself, with different eyes

Sometimes we  have to look at ourselves through different eyes to see the truth. It's amazing just how the wisdom can be found from the mind of a child. A dear friend who was 6 years old at the time told me that. For a long time, I had to consider how can I do that. I never wanted or needed to see what anyone saw in me because I never cared what anyone thought or felt of me. Just a set of opinions that good or ill can be based on bias, ignorance, or pure stupidity. However, you have to think how you project yourself towards others is an indication of what you feel for yourself.

Many in a few ways see me as a pure pessimist; a negative nasty that only sees the dark side of everything and everyone. Far from that. I'm not a pessimist, nor an optimist. I'm only a realist that sees thing as what they are. No glass half full, or empty. I only case that there only half a glass. Which means that I either need more of a drink or I'm almost done with my drink. ONLY HALF! Plain and simple.

Some view me as over-cynical. While I am a cynic a heart. I always see the motives or agendas of everything and everyone. As the proverb says. A cynic knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. Cause everything comes at a price. Even pure generosity has a price-tag. And it's not always monetary.

A few see me as a heartless bastard. The kind of person who thinks that I would throw gasoline on a burning person just to roast marshmallows on their smoldering corpse. I can be that way to only those that deserve it. I do not bring that person out unless it's absolutely necessary. I can be detached of emotion at times. Cause many times, emotion brings weakness; other times it blinds clarity - impairing judgement.

Those who have truly seen it, have the pleasure or displeasure to see the wrath that I can carry. I will admit I can be a very vindictive person and I can plan revenge with a patience of a chess master. Some believe that why do that when Karma can do it for you.Well I never depend on anyone/anything like that. I do all the dirt by my lonely. (street talk for I handle things my own) I can/have been a spiteful person and will balance hurt/pain with equal measure. I don't make many enemies, those that have that pleasure, usually don't stay there long for various reasons. And you can never know when or how or if I strike.

Even with all that, funny that most see me as a wise oracle, that just come with words of advise and wisdom. I don't know how I can be such a sage when I can't do the words that I give. But it's funny that those that don't know or do, teach. Many say age begets wisdom. I say experience grants wisdom. I know children that are wiser than people 5 times older than them. One person can live and understand things that you can only imagine or not even cope. Then again, the opposite can occur and you can relate or understand things others can not and be crushed by the weight they carry. I just understand the logic of many things. I am not saying I am perfect - far from it. I just have an old soul that seen alot, understand enough and if I can give any wisdom to anyone I will.

The final view, which I think is more important is that I'm a friend, loyal and true to those that know me. Who can look beyond the veils and masks that I wear (which is the most difficult thing to do) you can see just the real person I am. I am a villain, an ass and yes even a jerk. But, I'm just normal (whichever that is these days). Few can see it, fewer can understand it. Many who known me for years only can grasp. Some who known me a few weeks can strip it down and know just who I really am. But, those who do, know I'm a friend ride-or-die and true. Til you cross me - then it gets ugly. I been betrayed and burned a few times and those people are...well they not around. With that said, I got friends that known me since grade school and those that just met me are like well you just real with it. And that's just what it is and I am...

It was hard to try to view myself through different eyes but once I did, it seem that I am multifaceted. A cornucopia of contradiction - a paradox of puzzles - at the end look at me or I look at myself. I am ME. 

See me,

SAW

Quoted for Truth (with a dash of cynicism for taste)

If anyone knows me, they will know that I am a person who always finds the truth of enlightenment in many things. And quotes that have been passed down throughout the centuries are some of my most fertile grounds of extracting nuggets of joy and giving out the truth – of cynicism. Not things as they should be but how things are supposed to be.


I never been one who sees the glass as half full or half empty. I am usually the one who says who been drinking out of my damn glass and where is the bottle of tequila? So now I will give out a few more wonderful truth quotes that many have already said but with a twist of truth. These will be a bit random as always. You can guess the topics that will be thrown. Here we go…

1. Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend. – guess what a scandal, a shotgun, and an alibi can transform an enemy into a memory. Sorry the love thy enemy has never been a virtue.
2. Debt is the worst poverty.- probably the most truthful amount of words ever uttered. No complaint here.
3. Every animal is sad after intercourse. – Only if it’s done badly.
4. The darkest hour of any man's life is when he sits down to plan how to get money without earning it. – that is 9:42pm but that is the man who is ambitious .
5. Success is that old ABC-( ability, breaks and courage.) – Wrong it is Ambition, Brains, and cash!)

There you go…now go out and gain your dose of enlightenment.

We going to do it all night...the HELL you say!!

I don’t know where this whole notion of making love to your partner is suppose to be a whole night gala event. I just hear it so much in music – even the great masters of that slow jam preach of how they will take their loves and simply send them into such delights from sundown to sunup. Even Teddy and Barry who can probably be one of the few who can do it (mostly from their singing if anything else) say it. But, I just guess I’m more of the realist here. And I just have to ask myself – really? You honestly think that it’s going to be something like that goings on? And Moreso, who in the hell is going to put in that much time and effort?


It just behooves me, especially now days, the whole concept of all nocturnal nookie play is going be just that all night. I hear it from the rappers to the most sensual r& b singers. I guess it’s just a notion to sell a fantasy or they got powers of skill that can put most of the most hardcore of porn stars to shame. Maybe Johnny Gill and Ludacris are in the wrong profession and should be doing smut instead of serenading people.


I just like to know really, who going to be doing it like that and for that long? I know you always hear women say, “Oh I want a man who can go all night. Make me sing like a songbird in the morning.” And then you hear those braggart men say “OH yeah baby! We going to be at it all night. Don’t be making any plans to sleep. We going all night!” The HELL YOU SAY!!! Honestly, who got that much time? And who going to be able to manage such an Olympic feat. Unless all night is about that 45 minutes that you put in and then need the 8 hours of sleep. And ladies, let’s keep it 100 for a minute, do you seriously think that you able to go full speed, full blast with such an effort without cramping, complaining about this or that, or running out of Astroglide or whatnot?



I don’t know bout you all but, hell I got shit to do. You better get there before I do cause I am not bout to throw my whole left side trying to be like those fools on the songs or in those $2 romance novels and I sure as hell not going to be like those folks you see on the Lifetime movie network. Sorry, just ain’t going to happen. If you ain’t getting there by the time I do, you just going to be fresh out of luck with me. Bernie Mac said it best it’s a 1 round bout and folks get knock the hell out.




And before I get the plethora of comments saying, “Oh there is more to it than that it’s the foreplay the afterplay the talking or blah blah blah..” give me a damn break! Midnight or anything past that, only talking anyone going be saying is short, words usually consisting of four letters or less. And as I said many times over and I stand by this logic with everything I hold dear. Only difference between making love and having sex is 45 minutes. Yes, my people you heard me. 45 MINUTES!!!! Let that sink in for a moment for absolute emphasis…..ok now if those who don’t understand this or new to my blogs, let me give you a dose of enlightenment.



You can do all those things you read in every Comso magazine, Harlequin novel, love song and chick flick all you want. It can be candles, thunderstorm, bed of roses, hand holding, eye contact, baby oil and heavy smecking in the world. For 45 minutes. Because after that, it will not be any romance a going on. It will be that knock down drag down, better beat it like you stole something, Dear Penthouse Forum, multiple concussion and broken headboard sex. And I don’t give a damn what anyone else says. And I’m going to try to say this as easy as possible…you ain’t making love you F_________! You can fill in the rest. Thank you. Any questions? Good!



Now to sum up this tirade, I just going to say, who really is going to be putting this much effort and where is it suppose to be an all night event. Most of us only got 1 or maybe 2 good ones in us before we need good night sleep.And guys, don’t start bragging and say you can and those folks who think you can…be honest you not able. And if any celebrities (specially you singers) who just happen to venture here (like that will EVER happen) keep it real now...you not any Cassanova even if you pretend to be for the sake of selling records. There used to be a website that would truly rate those famous folks in their prowess. I wish I can remember it. Anyway, if someone says I wanna go all night. I’m saying only I’m goin all night is SLEEP!!! Better get there before I do or call for backup. Going all night…hell no we not!



SAW

When enlightenment strikes.

It is said that when enlightenment is obtained, you feel a universal sense of feeling and oneness with yourself and the universe. But, I kind of wonder is there a sense of a twisted darkside to it. There is always an yin and yang. The polar components of balance. What if the revelations that one obtains is one that can no doubt redefines the core being of a person.

I kind of feel that way as of late. Reaching an enlightenment and understanding that after a long time of contemplation and honestly a few conversations that the truth - the undebateable truth slaps you in the face like a mad girlfriend who didn't get that ring for Christmas. Seeing it you just feel you can have a sense of saying "Yes! I was right. The whole time I was correct." Yet, the sense of self-gloating has no mirth in it.

I will not go into this pyric victory of myself against the world. (Me 4 world 3 in overtime.) I will not speak of it. But those who know - know and that's that.

I always believed the powers of the universe have a sick sense of humor and a degrading sense of irony. The saying "Be careful what you wish for, for you just might get it." Does not apply to the secret desires of our hearts. For there is no lesson in things like that. There is no comsic morality tale in what we really want for a sense of happiness. Yet, the asking of the most selfish want, there is a billion and two acceptances of it and granting of the wish. Because, it will always be something negative attached to it. I think the proverb should say, "Be careful for the things you wish you want and never expect thing you need for you never will get it."

So with that said, why does it feel an empty victory when you proven some truths that you spent so long fighting, finally get the vindication - yet feels worthless. Was the fight so draining that you just have no sense of accomplishment? One always hear the greater the strugger the more significant and sweeter the victory. Feels a bit salty. And looking at it - I feel worse than ever. The truth has finally be told - the veil has been lifted and light is now drawn. It should be a bright day - and potential for great possibility. Yet there isn't.

If this is what enlightenment of understand is, I think there is bliss in ignorance.

Arrogance you have, fall on your face you will..

Without me getting into my Yoda - inner Jedi mode, I just sometimes have to ask myself how can some people have so much arrogance and total self-absorbed so completely that they can even walk. It sometimes behooves me that any human can have some a feeling of self-importance, it is only by a miracle of epic magnitude they do not even choke upon it, not saying that it would not be an improvement upon the population and honestly, it don't think that the human race can really miss such people.

Reason being, there just some folks that I have seen and interact with that have this notion that the world not only sun revolved around them, that the center of the know universe you will find them sitting there with a sign that says here I am...gaze upon me and rejoyce. And then think that every person male, female, robotic alien, and poltician just sooooooo wants them. And this is one quote that was said from said individual's own head: I make men leave their wives, women leave their husbands. Gay men seek pussy and women seek me.

I almost had to laugh at the nonsense. I had to break down and actually say a few words. Not only because I'm a person who loves to knock pedestals off people's asses but since I'm the bad guy, it's my job to do so. Such is my calling. I just had to ask is it hard on your neck holding your nose so high in the air? And are you scared of birds taking air-bomb poops down your face? Not that this person may be used to having things loaded on their face, "yes, I did go there!" I swear if it rains the idiot shall drown and I'll be almost ready to post it on youtube.

Being that this person had to defend their self and call me some jealous, insecure jackass. I had to respond in the colorful, smooth way that people have come to know and love (or loathe depending on who knows me). I'm like jealous of what? Someone who had their car repoed for having not paid note for almost 3 months? yeah I'm hating on that. Someone who lives for buying fake products and "claim" they are the real article. Oh yeah. I didn't know Coach has an "E" in it. I'm so so jealous of that. Seriously, the douche baggery of some people. Just feel they need to get past their egotism and come down that elite high-horse. And seriously take the broomstick out their ass.

So, my minions, if you know people like that and trust me, we ALL do, do yourself a favor and a public service, knock their chair off these people. If they won't take a humility pill, shove it down their throats. There is already global warming and most of these people contribute it with all the hot air they exude. Now I am off to find me a Coache bag for Mother's day.

SAW

In the case of absolute humor...

I am now..going to write.

Somtimes the funniest things are those that come from the most unexpected of quarters. I was talking to a friend and he had the tell me he received a call with an invitation to be on Maury and the first thing that came to my mind was he being thrown to the wolves and have some crazy episode of "You are the baby daddy!" And I just had to get a chuckle. I had to ask was there someone that you did the mattress mambo and become a father of some child. He never answered but I can pretty much bet the house, two cars and a big bag of California's best happy-grass that it is.

Now me being the supportive friend that I am (and one who is a champion sarcastic speaker) I had to go be on there, if so when and I want a ringside seat? Almost insultingly he said NO! Thing is that I just have to go think about the one repeat guest on the show who appeared on the show I can say about a dozen times and had about thirty or so potential baby fathers and broke down into fits of over-hyped hysteria when each and every one of them were not selected to win a baby from the maternal lottery. Screaming to each one something to the affect of "This is your child, I am dead serious! Can you see the resemblance?! Just like you and blah blah blah!" I just have to think after the twenty-ninth time that number thirty will be the charm. I even think that Maury was picked to take a test just to make sure that everyone was given a fair chance. We don't want any discrimination suits right??

When it was finally over, it was revealed that the one person who be the father was the father but sadly was dead. Kind of a sad hand that the deck of fate dealt. The greatest mystery since the Kennedy Assassination or how the Kardashians be famous for doing absolutely nothing (unless you call a horrible sex tape famous) was finally solved.

So now I am thinking what will happen to this one potential lady who wishes to find out this child as the father? Good question. Will she just force a hand or will she go down her laundry list of suitors? Call out everyone in her freak-a-dex and ship them to Hollywoodland just to have them sit in a studio being greeted by an audience of people condemning those men saying you know that is your baby and take responsibility. Yes those are the father ok, accept it, man up and do your thing. Bur, what of those who are the father? You hardly ever get any apology for the potential embarrassment, or any sort of redemption from the audience, host or whatever. And people wonder why when those guys George Jefferson strut out like they got a free three piece dinner from Wangs and Thangs. Which does sound good now. Who wants to bring me some wangs and thangs?

But it is funny how many will boo and jeer one man's triumph. Especially when one is not. Well, put it into this context if you can. How can one be so fast to condemn one minute then once they see a FUBAR so fast never to admit they made a mistake and not say sorry for the mixup? So fast to convict, so slow to acquit. But I always say if you going to air out your laundry in a public forum, be prepared for a lash of ridicule that will ensue - negative or positive. And me being the Villain that I am...I shall give my 2.3888 cents of humor, cheer and a good bit of cynical truth. All free of charge. What better deal is there right???

I know that most of those women just want to have a father for their child and I agree they should. But, seriously, are there not other, better avenues than going on a show to make a potential spectacle of millions. I kind of wonder is it for a few want to get that 15 minutes of fame and sadly 14 minutes and 59 seconds of it. And that last second is not going fast enough.

Well if I have to see if my friend changes his mind and if so, I'll be grabbing my popcorn and pepsi and see if Maury be saying...in the case of this child...is he the baby father...

Vegas says 5 to 1 it is...I will take that bet...

SAW

Why I do what I do?

I guess that is one of the most important questions one can ask. Why do you do what you do? The variety of answers are near infinite and based on serveral experiences and personal codes and creeds that one keeps in themselves. But in terms for this entry and myself, I was asked why do I post many of the anti-motivationals, caption pictures and customed made signs as I do. The answer is quite simple, because it is a true hoot to do so. WIth soo much negative stuff right now, there is a huge need of good mirth and humor more than ever. And it is I, the protector of comedy, who will give every bit of crazy, twisted and quasi-offensive humor that I can find or conjure up. However, it is funny how many can be so damn ready to jump through the political correctness hoop and find something offensive and ready to complain. I usually say don't like it move on, don't look, block or whatenot. But, many have to play the moral police and steer the social conscious ship towards stupidity. I for one will not allow such things to happen upon my wacth However, I find it funny how many try to play the social correctness card are usually the first to be guilty of worse. Many say one who lives in a glass house should not throw rocks. I usually say make sure you got a curtain over the bathroom. I mean really who wants to watch you poop? I sure don't. Anyone who knows me know I am a person who likes to take a good hold of humor and ride it like a $3 stripper and get my money's worth out of it. Which is usually $1.37 before taxes. Just who I am. Some are too high-strung or self-absorbed with their own sense of self-importance that they need to have a few things poked and prodded for a good cheer. Maybe that can get them to find a sense of humility. So whenever I post something it is usually for one reason only, ok maybe a few but mostly for a good laugh. I mean really some people need to have things examined from a comedic view. Stop being so serious all the damned time. So I say now, get your thumb our your ass, step off your high horse and partake in a good laugh. Cause not everyone is laughing with you - but at you and even so, have a laugh at yourself. I do. And I do this why?? well it's cause I can and need to. Carry on! SAW