How to piss off 2 schools without trying and Did she Really Say that?

Well I can pretty much say that today has been interesting if anything else. Out in my adventures of finding trouble, and having a lapse thinking that there was a football game today. (OOPSY) I took the train to do a few things and I have to admit being packed in a train with a multitude of people, feeling like a can of sardines was not my thing but oh well.

I have to also admit, the funniest things can be heard amongst the crowd. There was just group of sorority girls from some school out in Texas, I won' really say where...but you can find out if you watch the sports section. *snicker* You know those kind of girls that serial kills use as pin cushions in the horror movies. As I was heading to my stop this was what one was saying and I kid you now, was her exact words. "I hope that we don't miss our stop and end up somewhere in the ghetto. I don't know if I can make it and survive with those people." Hol' Up!!! Wait a second, and JUST ONE DAMN MINUTE. It took everything inside me to not just blow out and say something like. "Listen here Muffy, you have nothing to be worrying about. First off what you mean by "Those" people? And secondly, you don't have to worry about some pimps there whoring you out to guys for bags of weed and make you miss the pancake social tomorrow. Or have you violated in ways that you won't be able to sustain any fun in the frat party gangbang you will be partaking during your ecstasy binge.But we know that most of those girls there on that bus anyway would rather went to the hood anyway than partake in the slaughter their team endured anyway. But, they never would admit it and then get kicked out of the fun Pancake Social...sponsored by the Eye Felta Thigh sorority.

I will admit, that does look good right about now. I won't even lie. MMMMMMMMM NOM NOM!!

And the best thing about this whole excursion, was there was a group of people from both sides of the rivalry that were discussing how much their team is better and blah blah blah....I was asked who was I cheering for in this game. And as calmly as ever, I said well my team is anyone in the SEC. So be something like Roll Tide, or Hail State, or Chomp'em Gators, or Geaux Tigers. Or some of those schools that freed themselves from the Old Southwest Conference. You know like A & M or Arkansas. You could seen the look on their faces. It was as if I said the ultimate blasphemy or called each of their mothers the most vile of swear words. Now mind you, I was a serious as a heart attack. And there was a policeman on the train, who heard the whole thing and could barely contain his laughter. Poor guy wanted to be stoic as a statue but couldn't hold it in. Well my stop came and I was about to exit the train, luckily cause I think it would been the one time when two enemies were ready to put aside their differences and cause hell upon me. The policeman pulled me to the said and said, "Don't worry I got your back. I went to Georgia and it's SEC forever!"

Guess you know where my loyalties lie right??

Well now that was pretty much the sum of my day. But I am kind of hungry and got a hankering for some...

and a cold beer!!! gooooooood eats....

This is NO laughing matter...

I just had to share this with my people.

I heard that there is an epidemic that must be addressed. First from Dr. Oz and then from some crazy cults that it is absolutely appropriate to...ok breathe...breathe...that is it absolutely appropriate to laugh during those times of pure intimacy. To start laughing during those times in the bedroom. To put it bluntly - laugh during sex.

 Seriously, did I miss this memo? Was there some secret convention in some hidden underground lair in some vast city and I missed it? Since when - let me repeat SINCE WHEN!!!!!! has it been OK to laugh during sex? There are 2 and only 2 instances that it is allowed to laugh during sex.

1. Somehow the bed collapses in the middle and you are so shocked form the effort that you can't help but laugh. And even that is at the discretion of the person and situation on hand.

2. You role playing and one or both of you are dressed as a clown. And you getting banged out by Bozo, Pennywise, Homey the Clown, The Joker, then laugh.

I'm sorry, but this ain't a comedy show. This is some serious business and I don't give a damn about comfort or being relaxed enough to laugh it up. This is serious business. Folks are doing natural grown business and this is no laughing matter. Afterwards if you wanna laugh...well Benny HA HA HA all you want but during the episode, you better not laugh - think of laughing or try to laugh.

But really who in the hell going to just laugh. Oh yeah oooh yah yeah yea...HA HA HA HA HA HA! Sorry, laughing is pretty much a instant mood-killer. I don't give a damn if you got the best of Teddy Pendergrass and Marvin Gaye playing during a thunderstorm, on a bed of roses, with candle-lights burning. And things are getting hot and heavy and serious work is being put in and thangs are getting hotter than a South Texas heatwave. And out of the blue...it looks like you at the Improv! And there is some laughter.

And what do you say to this...

And no damn way...let me say this one more time. NO DAMN WAY YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO LAUGH!

Be going from "Let's get it on..." to "You better get the hell on..." in less than 3.4322 seconds.

I don't care what Comsmo, Dr. Oz, Dr. Ruth, The View, The Oprah Cult, or those folks at the Debutante Pancake Social says, if you get anything that resembles a

you will be getting an all expense paid trip out the door. Laugh during sexytime I swear...

And I mean that shit for real...HA HA!!!

SAW

If you want to make dollars, try making sense.

I been reading all this controversy with chik-fil-a or I would like to call it the overpriced KFC - in regards of its stance regarding homosexual marriage, and the massive divides this cause. I am a full advocate of free speech and the first amendment. And I respect both sides of this firestorm. And here is my stance of things: first I don't know if the CEO of chik-fil-a understand the first concept of business is you really don't want to piss off customers. You may be a company based on Christian principles but look at your wording - COMPANY. Companies make money, private or public company. You can have all the religious principles all you want and stand by your beliefs, but a bankrupt company. You can have all the supporters and days of support all you want, the negative publicity and backlash is already hurting business. No matter what people say about boycotts do not make a difference - they do. But I do ask yourself this question to those who stand behind the moral high ground saying that a company has every right to speak your mind. I have nothing wrong with that. As an American citizen, you have a right. But as a businessperson, you have to think what is the first and foremost reason to make any business? MAKE MONEY. I know some say money isn't everything, well you can just make chik-fil-a a free service or something like that and let's see how long that last. However, let me ask you this question, if this company has such a stance on this, where you think they will draw the line? What if they had a hardline stance against interracial marriage? They will find some religious verse to justify it. Believe me someone will find it somewhere.

And before I go on, you may as well know the next few lines of this will be extremely offensive. SO if you have a closed mind, easily offended, or extra judgmental please hit that X button to the right of your browser............THANK YOU!

And for all those hardline religious zealots that like to denounce others, fighting about the sanity of marriage. I have to ask yourself what is the sanity/sanctity of marriage? The traditional union of man and woman. Give me a break. I'm like this, you don't need any legal document to show marriage to anyone. Most of those marriage are built on stronger foundations than the traditional marriages. You can claim marriage in one's heart and no one can take that away. Makes you wonder just wonder do we ever learn the lessons of the past? Some say that integration was the End of America. Change the concept of race to sexual orientation and you have the new war. Fifty years later you think that we have progressed, take one step and take a jump back. Shake my head.

I hear so many people call other people abomination and their wanting to have something as simple as marriage abomination - and quote the bible as such. Funny there many homosexuals who are religious, go to church, pay tithes for the building fund. So why would you call someone who has a religious foundation as you, go to the same church as you and pray to the same God an abomination. How much of a hypocrite can you be.

And before you throw out the Bible verses you defend and whatnot, let me ask you this? (Get ready to be pissed off biblethumpers) You think the Bible you reading is the real BIBLE? Let's break it down shall we? The Bible has been edited, mistranslated, and rewritten. First by the Council of Nicea (which was a MANMADE council commissioned by man - not the divine, and who purpose was to solve everything from what is put into the Bible to the birth of Jesus (sorry to disappoint many people but December 25th was a date that was picked by the Council) Merry Christmas. Many of the books of the Old Testament were edited, many of the Gospels were lost because they were too controversial.

Next we can thanks King James for many errors and booboos...many more lost tales and parables. Most were just a big ad-lib to satisfy the needs of man, not the divine.

So before someone sends the Inquisition and have me burned at the stake for heresy and blasphemy. I just bring facts - the most dangerous weapon for ignorance is the truth. I don't carry a specific religion, I believe in a higher power, but religion is a man-made concept.

Ok those who still here and not ready to storm the gates - I know this is a hotly contested thing and there is no right or wrong. I respect the speech of everyone. And as a business you have a right to go there or not go there. Just as a business you have to think about your bottom line unless you don't care but know this those who annoy or customers - people will walk away. And in the end you may not only be closed on Sunday, but Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and you know the rest. Don't believe me. It only takes one person to make a movement start, one stone to start a avalanche.

Saw.

Looking at yourself, with different eyes

Sometimes we  have to look at ourselves through different eyes to see the truth. It's amazing just how the wisdom can be found from the mind of a child. A dear friend who was 6 years old at the time told me that. For a long time, I had to consider how can I do that. I never wanted or needed to see what anyone saw in me because I never cared what anyone thought or felt of me. Just a set of opinions that good or ill can be based on bias, ignorance, or pure stupidity. However, you have to think how you project yourself towards others is an indication of what you feel for yourself.

Many in a few ways see me as a pure pessimist; a negative nasty that only sees the dark side of everything and everyone. Far from that. I'm not a pessimist, nor an optimist. I'm only a realist that sees thing as what they are. No glass half full, or empty. I only case that there only half a glass. Which means that I either need more of a drink or I'm almost done with my drink. ONLY HALF! Plain and simple.

Some view me as over-cynical. While I am a cynic a heart. I always see the motives or agendas of everything and everyone. As the proverb says. A cynic knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. Cause everything comes at a price. Even pure generosity has a price-tag. And it's not always monetary.

A few see me as a heartless bastard. The kind of person who thinks that I would throw gasoline on a burning person just to roast marshmallows on their smoldering corpse. I can be that way to only those that deserve it. I do not bring that person out unless it's absolutely necessary. I can be detached of emotion at times. Cause many times, emotion brings weakness; other times it blinds clarity - impairing judgement.

Those who have truly seen it, have the pleasure or displeasure to see the wrath that I can carry. I will admit I can be a very vindictive person and I can plan revenge with a patience of a chess master. Some believe that why do that when Karma can do it for you.Well I never depend on anyone/anything like that. I do all the dirt by my lonely. (street talk for I handle things my own) I can/have been a spiteful person and will balance hurt/pain with equal measure. I don't make many enemies, those that have that pleasure, usually don't stay there long for various reasons. And you can never know when or how or if I strike.

Even with all that, funny that most see me as a wise oracle, that just come with words of advise and wisdom. I don't know how I can be such a sage when I can't do the words that I give. But it's funny that those that don't know or do, teach. Many say age begets wisdom. I say experience grants wisdom. I know children that are wiser than people 5 times older than them. One person can live and understand things that you can only imagine or not even cope. Then again, the opposite can occur and you can relate or understand things others can not and be crushed by the weight they carry. I just understand the logic of many things. I am not saying I am perfect - far from it. I just have an old soul that seen alot, understand enough and if I can give any wisdom to anyone I will.

The final view, which I think is more important is that I'm a friend, loyal and true to those that know me. Who can look beyond the veils and masks that I wear (which is the most difficult thing to do) you can see just the real person I am. I am a villain, an ass and yes even a jerk. But, I'm just normal (whichever that is these days). Few can see it, fewer can understand it. Many who known me for years only can grasp. Some who known me a few weeks can strip it down and know just who I really am. But, those who do, know I'm a friend ride-or-die and true. Til you cross me - then it gets ugly. I been betrayed and burned a few times and those people are...well they not around. With that said, I got friends that known me since grade school and those that just met me are like well you just real with it. And that's just what it is and I am...

It was hard to try to view myself through different eyes but once I did, it seem that I am multifaceted. A cornucopia of contradiction - a paradox of puzzles - at the end look at me or I look at myself. I am ME. 

See me,

SAW

Quoted for Truth (with a dash of cynicism for taste)

If anyone knows me, they will know that I am a person who always finds the truth of enlightenment in many things. And quotes that have been passed down throughout the centuries are some of my most fertile grounds of extracting nuggets of joy and giving out the truth – of cynicism. Not things as they should be but how things are supposed to be.


I never been one who sees the glass as half full or half empty. I am usually the one who says who been drinking out of my damn glass and where is the bottle of tequila? So now I will give out a few more wonderful truth quotes that many have already said but with a twist of truth. These will be a bit random as always. You can guess the topics that will be thrown. Here we go…

1. Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend. – guess what a scandal, a shotgun, and an alibi can transform an enemy into a memory. Sorry the love thy enemy has never been a virtue.
2. Debt is the worst poverty.- probably the most truthful amount of words ever uttered. No complaint here.
3. Every animal is sad after intercourse. – Only if it’s done badly.
4. The darkest hour of any man's life is when he sits down to plan how to get money without earning it. – that is 9:42pm but that is the man who is ambitious .
5. Success is that old ABC-( ability, breaks and courage.) – Wrong it is Ambition, Brains, and cash!)

There you go…now go out and gain your dose of enlightenment.

We going to do it all night...the HELL you say!!

I don’t know where this whole notion of making love to your partner is suppose to be a whole night gala event. I just hear it so much in music – even the great masters of that slow jam preach of how they will take their loves and simply send them into such delights from sundown to sunup. Even Teddy and Barry who can probably be one of the few who can do it (mostly from their singing if anything else) say it. But, I just guess I’m more of the realist here. And I just have to ask myself – really? You honestly think that it’s going to be something like that goings on? And Moreso, who in the hell is going to put in that much time and effort?


It just behooves me, especially now days, the whole concept of all nocturnal nookie play is going be just that all night. I hear it from the rappers to the most sensual r& b singers. I guess it’s just a notion to sell a fantasy or they got powers of skill that can put most of the most hardcore of porn stars to shame. Maybe Johnny Gill and Ludacris are in the wrong profession and should be doing smut instead of serenading people.


I just like to know really, who going to be doing it like that and for that long? I know you always hear women say, “Oh I want a man who can go all night. Make me sing like a songbird in the morning.” And then you hear those braggart men say “OH yeah baby! We going to be at it all night. Don’t be making any plans to sleep. We going all night!” The HELL YOU SAY!!! Honestly, who got that much time? And who going to be able to manage such an Olympic feat. Unless all night is about that 45 minutes that you put in and then need the 8 hours of sleep. And ladies, let’s keep it 100 for a minute, do you seriously think that you able to go full speed, full blast with such an effort without cramping, complaining about this or that, or running out of Astroglide or whatnot?



I don’t know bout you all but, hell I got shit to do. You better get there before I do cause I am not bout to throw my whole left side trying to be like those fools on the songs or in those $2 romance novels and I sure as hell not going to be like those folks you see on the Lifetime movie network. Sorry, just ain’t going to happen. If you ain’t getting there by the time I do, you just going to be fresh out of luck with me. Bernie Mac said it best it’s a 1 round bout and folks get knock the hell out.




And before I get the plethora of comments saying, “Oh there is more to it than that it’s the foreplay the afterplay the talking or blah blah blah..” give me a damn break! Midnight or anything past that, only talking anyone going be saying is short, words usually consisting of four letters or less. And as I said many times over and I stand by this logic with everything I hold dear. Only difference between making love and having sex is 45 minutes. Yes, my people you heard me. 45 MINUTES!!!! Let that sink in for a moment for absolute emphasis…..ok now if those who don’t understand this or new to my blogs, let me give you a dose of enlightenment.



You can do all those things you read in every Comso magazine, Harlequin novel, love song and chick flick all you want. It can be candles, thunderstorm, bed of roses, hand holding, eye contact, baby oil and heavy smecking in the world. For 45 minutes. Because after that, it will not be any romance a going on. It will be that knock down drag down, better beat it like you stole something, Dear Penthouse Forum, multiple concussion and broken headboard sex. And I don’t give a damn what anyone else says. And I’m going to try to say this as easy as possible…you ain’t making love you F_________! You can fill in the rest. Thank you. Any questions? Good!



Now to sum up this tirade, I just going to say, who really is going to be putting this much effort and where is it suppose to be an all night event. Most of us only got 1 or maybe 2 good ones in us before we need good night sleep.And guys, don’t start bragging and say you can and those folks who think you can…be honest you not able. And if any celebrities (specially you singers) who just happen to venture here (like that will EVER happen) keep it real now...you not any Cassanova even if you pretend to be for the sake of selling records. There used to be a website that would truly rate those famous folks in their prowess. I wish I can remember it. Anyway, if someone says I wanna go all night. I’m saying only I’m goin all night is SLEEP!!! Better get there before I do or call for backup. Going all night…hell no we not!



SAW

When enlightenment strikes.

It is said that when enlightenment is obtained, you feel a universal sense of feeling and oneness with yourself and the universe. But, I kind of wonder is there a sense of a twisted darkside to it. There is always an yin and yang. The polar components of balance. What if the revelations that one obtains is one that can no doubt redefines the core being of a person.

I kind of feel that way as of late. Reaching an enlightenment and understanding that after a long time of contemplation and honestly a few conversations that the truth - the undebateable truth slaps you in the face like a mad girlfriend who didn't get that ring for Christmas. Seeing it you just feel you can have a sense of saying "Yes! I was right. The whole time I was correct." Yet, the sense of self-gloating has no mirth in it.

I will not go into this pyric victory of myself against the world. (Me 4 world 3 in overtime.) I will not speak of it. But those who know - know and that's that.

I always believed the powers of the universe have a sick sense of humor and a degrading sense of irony. The saying "Be careful what you wish for, for you just might get it." Does not apply to the secret desires of our hearts. For there is no lesson in things like that. There is no comsic morality tale in what we really want for a sense of happiness. Yet, the asking of the most selfish want, there is a billion and two acceptances of it and granting of the wish. Because, it will always be something negative attached to it. I think the proverb should say, "Be careful for the things you wish you want and never expect thing you need for you never will get it."

So with that said, why does it feel an empty victory when you proven some truths that you spent so long fighting, finally get the vindication - yet feels worthless. Was the fight so draining that you just have no sense of accomplishment? One always hear the greater the strugger the more significant and sweeter the victory. Feels a bit salty. And looking at it - I feel worse than ever. The truth has finally be told - the veil has been lifted and light is now drawn. It should be a bright day - and potential for great possibility. Yet there isn't.

If this is what enlightenment of understand is, I think there is bliss in ignorance.